This is an issue from a while ago but it still kind of bothers me, so that’s why I’m making this post. Me (25M) and my two friends, Sam (25F) and Nick (26M) (who are a couple) work out twice a week at the gym. A month ago we discussed what time we would be there, but since then we hadn’t gone to the gym. I will admit that I messed up, and that I went to the gym at the wrong time. Now an added issue was that Sam’s sibling also wanted to go to the gym, and was using my membership to get in (legally duh) but now that I had gone at the wrong time, that plan fell through.
My phone was about to die, but I texted them after I realized my mistake, and that I would go by myself, as I was there anyway. Sam wanted to discuss it more and tried to call me, but my phone died.
After that I did my work-out, and headed home after I was done. At home I put my phone on the charger and had dinner. After dinner I went to grab my phone and was surprised to see 13 new messages. Sam left me 13 messages in the span of 1.5 hours. Every single one getting more passive aggressive in tone. Mind you, my phone was dying/dead, so I *couldn’t* respond.
I texted them and explained that my phone died, and Sam got mad, saying "that wasn’t smart," that my "message wasn’t clear" and that she "doesn’t want me to apologize but…" Eventually she says that she knows that I "struggle with this, and that conversations like this trigger me."
Which is true, it is triggering, especially so when you say it like that, Sam!? (my partner at the time gaslit me with similar phrasing, which Sam knew and even mentioned).
I got mad and annoyed and pointed out to them that "Last time at the gym, y’all said (insert previous time) doesn’t work with dinner, so we have to think about it." I also set a boundary that I don’t like when people make an assumption about me in this way.
There was radio silence for a full 24 hours after this, and then Sam hit me with "No we concluded that this time was better but we can move it half an hour for you, if necessary." (there was nothing wrong with the time btw, I just made a mistake). "You’ve made yourself clear. You didn’t respond in time/communicated badly. This is not me shifting the blame on you, but just me explaining what led me to my conclusion."
Sam then ghosted me for a month, but still expected me to watch their cats (which I did). She only responded after I texted Nick about a complicated breakup I was going through, which caused everything to go back to normal but also not really.
AITA for not responding immediately?
PS: I changed their names, no worries <3
Get new friends.
Tell them to watch their own cats and go to the gym whenever the heck you want to. No one should put up with this kind of unnecessary drama. If someone texted me 13 times in an hour over going to the gym, I’d block them. NTA
NTA, Sam overreacted over a genuine misunderstanding . If this is a persisting issue, I say drop it and just go to the gym without them.