\*\*Long time judger/lurker. First time poster. 🙂
Today at work, I (35F) was told by my coworker (40ishM) that I "smelled edible". As someone who has no poker face, my reaction immediately showed, and I may have slightly flinched/moved back a little before handing him the paperwork I’d come to give him for an order and walking back inside our office from our warehouse.
About 30 minutes after the interaction, he came inside the office to my desk and said he was "offended by my reaction because he didn’t mean it in a suggestive/sexual way and not every man thinks like that." He also added that I needed to stop overthinking. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong in this situation, but just to be sure…AITA for my reaction to this?
\*\*Edit to add – I did have on a body spray though not specifically food scented>\*\*
NTA
And seeing how he went on the defence: that is exactly how he meant it and now he’s trying to make it seem like you’re the problem so you don’t go to HR.
If he meant it innocently, he would have just said you smelled nice. “Edible” however…
Thank you for this! I’ve been sitting here dissecting the interaction, so it feels good to not feel like I’m crazy or “overthinking”.
It’s so many other words he could have used in that moment so it for sure felt intentional! I wouldn’t have batted an eye if he said nice.
He could have just said you smelled nice and this wouldn’t even be an issue (probably, right?)
He chose that word for a reason. He was offended when you reacted naturally.
Reminds me of the sorry of Henry the VIII meeting his 4th wife Anne of Cleves. When he was younger, it was common for he and his men to dress up in disguise and surprise the court. Well he wasn’t young anymore when he met Anne of Cleves.
The story goes that she wasn’t warned that he would do this, so when a random old man walked up and kissed her right on the mouth, she reacted badly. Some stories say she spit and demanded an apology for daring to touch the future queen of England.
Well Henry never forgave her for that first initial rejection. He told the court she smelled badly and he couldn’t consummate because of her slack breasts. He slandered her all over the place, but she was a foreign princess so he couldn’t hurt her physically.
All that to say, serves the gross creepy guy right to have someone flinch in his face. Good job. Don’t feel badly about it. He knew what he was doing. It just blew up in his face.
Edited to fix detail that Anne of Cleves was his 4th wife. I forgot about poor Jane Seymour for a second there. Which is actually kinda sad cause she was an afterthought in real life a lot of the time too. She was the only wife to have a living son, and she died of childbed fever all alone 10 days later.
Sorry, random info dump.
NTA. How else did he mean it? And if there was truly a misunderstanding, why not just apologize rather than getting defensive and blaming you?
This. The whole corning OP to twist things into OP being in the wrong tells me this guy knows he was out of line / done f’d up and is desperate to manipulate OP into thinking she is the problem.
Well, he SURELY overreacted to your ‘overreaction’. Document it and keep working. Just like a police report-date time, name, 1st situation, his ‘follow up’. Then I’d send it to HR with the ‘ I didn’t say anything to him, either positive or negative and I have not encouraged him to be personal.’
Also, HE was offended? Fuck him. NOR.
Interesting that he tried to pre-empt you by claiming offence to your reaction before you’d verbalised anything about his comment.
Yeah, OP gave him a chance to just, you know, never repeat this kind of statement and hopefully forget it, he was the one who decided he’s gonna make this a recurring harrasment.
I was literally speechless when he came to my desk because I’m like hunh??
“He also added that I needed to stop overthinking.”
WTF? Where does that comment come from? I wish you had been quick enough to say, “You misunderstand: I don’t think of you at all!”
Yeah, write it up as an HR complaint and hold onto it in case you need it. Here’s hoping you can limit interaction with the weirdo!
Your response is so perfect, and I hate I wasn’t quick enough to think of this in the moment!
I HATE confrontation so I would have let it just be, but him coming to my desk just made an awkward interaction even more weird.
Not to mention, other people heard it, so now I for sure may have to take it to HR just to nip it in the bud.
NTA. He knew what he said was wrong, so he’s trying to maneuver so he doesn’t look bad when you tell HR. (Which you most certainly should do.)
Please tell me you didn’t apologize to him!
He knows he was inappropriate , and now trying to manipulate you into thinking your reaction was the problem .
It’s not about his “intentions “ it’s the person receiving the comments perception that matters .
I’d go to HR
So he said YOU were inappropriate?? Jesus Christ men suck.