I (31 yr F) and fiance (29yr M) been together for 8 yrs have been traveling for the holidays visiting family with our 2 children. We have a big family and really try to see everyone for rhe holidays since we live out of town. It’s been a busy week but we mostly stay at my parents place everytime we come up to visit for a couple days its just easier and just visit other family for the day. This time we agreed to stay his parents place for a night. We had made these plans for over a month. We also had stipulated some things prior to being able to stay bc of concerns. One thing I really wanted was a bed to sleep on or even a blowup mattress. I also suggested we could bring our blowup mattress but was assured we didn’t need it from my fiance dad that they bought a new bed and the rooms would be clean and inhabitable this time. I should have known bc it’s always something when we stay the night. After we showed up and hung out for awhile we were I formed that we didn’t have anywhere but the couches to sleep on for all 4 of us by his step mom. She also made commits about saying her house was dirty. Which I did say the last time bc it is. To clarify over the summer when we stayed we had 2 twin peed smelling mattresses on a dirty stained floor and no sheet or pillows to sleep on( not the first time). And I swore then that was the last time. But trying to keep peace stayed this time. So ya here I am in a recliner not getting any sleep. Really annoyed. Lising to my fiance and his dad have the loudest snoring contest and There isnt even enough blankets for us. I feel lied too. AITA if I never want to stay again. Am I letting the past situations read into this situation and being dramatic.
INFO: Why is your partner okay with this? And why is the dad sleeping in the same room as you and your fiance?
My partners and i had discussed this but we were both lied too. And his dads room is next to the living room. Where my family is cramped out in.
Uhh which country and culture are you guys from? In some cultures, homes are small but you’re still expected to stay with the family. That said, usually they’ll offer you the bedroom to use and everyone else will stay/sleep in the living room. Even in villages where you’re forced to use the living room, it’d usually be a *clean living room* and you will be provided stuff like clean pillows etc.
I suspect this is more of a ‘your in-laws have problems’ rather than anything else. Unless you’re telling me they live in a slum..
…why did you stay? Like the minute I realized they lied I’d be headed out to either a hotel or my parents’ home.
NTA. Gross. Sounds like you’re in the same area as your parents. I would have gone there. These people don’t really want you there or care about you, not to mention the lieing. Deffo don’t do it again.
My parents house is 2 hrs away or I would have and it was late when we were finally told. As soon as my kids wake up we will be going back.
NTA
However, your lack of backbone and your fiancé’s lack of balls are the problem you can immediately fix
NTA. Stand your ground next time. Fiance can stay there if he wants, but you’re going to your parents’, or to a hotel.
Yikes. I’d be booking a hotel right now and leaving a note. It sounds uncomfortable in multiple ways. Why is the dad there with you all? Not sleeping in a chair ain’t it…get out of there.
The minute she said there were no beds, I’d have gotten the kids into their coats and grabbed my own. I’d have turned to husband and said are you coming? Then I’d head to my folks or a hotel, whichever was closer.
That is gross and uncomfortable. And you were lied to about accommodations.
No more visits.
NTA.
NTA but I would have left immediately and stayed elsewhere
Same. I’d have grabbed rhe car and gone to the nearest hotel. I wonder if OP’s parents lived nearby.
You feel lied to because you were lied to.
Get back in the car and go. Somewhere. Anywhere.
NTA
ESH. Why would you let your kids sleep in a dirty house on pissy mattresses? Why don’t you leave as soon as you’re presented with subpar accommodations? Hopefully your kids are too young to realize that you’re willing to sacrifice their comfort to please your in-laws.