I love my grandfather Sabino dearly but he’s out of his mind….
My grandfather ever since I was little has talked about how much he’s wanted to inspire people with his music. He played guitar for me a lot when I was little (and he was legitimately really good). But as the years have gone on his health has deteriorated, he’s developed Alzheimers and he’s forgotten who me and my sister even are. But he still remembers his dreams of being a musician and plays guitar whenever I visit.
The problem is he’s terrible now.
Everytime me and my family visit him he insists on playing but he sounds so terrible that I can barely stand it. So our latest visit to him I kind of snapped and raised my voice over his guitar playing to ask if he could please stop. I tried to do it as politely as possible I knew it wasn’t a great thing to do but I figured he probably wouldn’t even remember it anyway.
On the drive home my family yelled at me the whole time that even though his playing is god awful now we still need to tolerate it for him. But again, he’s gonna fucking forget that I told him to stop anyway and he’ll forget he even likes to play anyway. I do still love him but he’s barely even himself anymore why do I need to tolerate this shell of a human being’s terrible playing while I wait for his body to die like his mind already has.
So in our next visit am I the asshole to ask him to stop maybe more politely this time or do I have to endure this until he finally kicks the bucket?
you’re a sick fuck for what you said to your grandfarther
YTA. You treat your elders like they’re disposable. You should get to old age, develop Alzheimers and then get neglected and insulted by your family who prays upon your downfall ya fuckin asshole
The fact that you called your grandfather “shell of a human being” is horrifying. If someone has a degenerative disease it doesn’t mean they stop being a person. You should cherish the memories in which he still could recognise you, if you loved him, and not treat him like some discard of nature just because he cannot remember you due to something he cannot control. There are moments in which he probably is lucid, and if in those moments he realises how you consider him now, they will be brief but terrible.
Obviously its a little annoying to hear someone playing badly, but he didn’t do anything hurtful to you, he only has that left as a connection to reality so why ripping it away from him?
YTA. Complete and total arsehole.
YTA. I believe in karma and I feel sorry for the future you who will have to pay for this.
YTA. Suck it up and pretend your grandfather still plays guitar like he always did. How long does he have left for this world? Can’t you find the kindness in your heart to help him live the best life he can? I’m shocked at your lack of empathy and I bet your family is too.
YTA. The man has a degenerative condition that has robbed him of his whole life. I would give so much just to have another single hour with my grandfather. Stop throwing yours away.
Also, he will remember. You will now be ‘the scary person that doesn’t let me play guitar’. There will be an association of fear with you and he may not recall why. Congratulations for potentially traumatising your grandfather.
At some point in the future you’re going to recall what you did to him and feel a deep sense of shame. I hope it was worth it.
I get that this is a tough situation for you, but it’s so much harder for him, and your parents, who are probably hoping for one more lucid day from him before the end.
YTA
I don’t care what the HOBBY is, you’re always an ah if your reasoning for telling the person to stop is cause they have alzheimers and “will forget anyway”. Just because someone will forget, doesn’t mean that the initial interaction will hurt their feelings.
YTA for even asking if you’re the asshole in this situation, of course you are.
YTA, so what if he isn’t going to remember it later but at those few minutes don’t you think he would have got hurt by your arshole behaviour.
YTA to infinity & beyond, buddy. You are going to be downvoted so much for being such a flaming colossal asshole & called so many colorful & creative names. I hope you can take it.
Here’s mine: You are a laser-focused asshole. Meaning you weren’t only one with your grandad, but you kept it up on the ride home, & continue being one here.
Every time you’re with your grandfather, suck it up & shut your mouth. Or wait in the car.
Better yet, stay away. Suffering with Alzheimer’s is evil enough without you adding to his misery.
Finally, your actions made his care providers’ jobs extra stressful because they probably had to calm him down after y’all left. He may not remember how nasty you were to him tomorrow, but you agitated him today. Congratulations.
So, you apparently missed the empathy gene. You should really hope you never become old and ill. You’ll find out exactly why YTA.
Please tell us this isn’t real. That poor man. What I wouldn’t do to see my Gramp again. YTA.
YTA, don’t bother visiting him if you can’t be a decent fucking person to your 100 year old grandfather. How much time do you think he has left? Leave him be for crying out loud. For someone who claims to love him you sure had a few nasty things to say about him. Sheesh.