So for context I’m throwing a birthday party… casual drinks at a bar in the day and then a sit down dinner in the evening. It’s going to be my 30th and I hardly ever throw parties so this is a big deal.
There will be about 30-35 people during the day then about 25 coming to dinner. I purposely have done the day to allow people to come for a short while and the dinner is going to be close friends and family.
Quite a few of my boyfriend’s friends are coming and I’m really looking forward to seeing them as we often hang out with them or in large groups as couples with some of the other WAGs. Today my boyfriend asked me if he can invite one of the other lads who hasn’t been invited as apparently he was texting one of them and he is keen to come.
Normally I wouldn’t have a problem, but this person (let’s call him John) has done a few things over the years that make me feel uncomfortable including hitting on me at another couples wedding and when I told him who my boyfriend is he said “f**k him, he doesn’t matter” – this really offended me and I still feel uneasy about it. At the time I walked away and told my boyfriend about it. Another time he misheard what one of the lads said on a night out and got into the most ridiculous argument. On other times “John” has got so drunk that he’s had to be taken home and that’s just a few limited times I’ve been told about things.
Now don’t get me wrong, if it was just this I wouldn’t doubt myself. But “John” has had some quite serious mental health issues and finally seems to be in a good place, and the lads are trying to include him in things. But if he gets a drink in him it’s 50/50 if he’s going to be a firework or not and frankly I don’t want drama, let alone someone I don’t feel fully comfortable around (especially as my mum, close family and friends will be there). Also, some of my close female friends can be fiery but don’t know his MH background and I can easily see something kicking off.
I don’t want this on my 30th with my family, my boyfriend’s family and people we both spend a lot of our time with.
AITA and should I invite John and ask him to be on best behaviour or should I stand firm? One other solution I considered is inviting him just to the day for a drink as well… help please!
NTA. Your party, your guest list. Simple as that.
NTA. And why does your boyfriend wants a guy like that at your party? Mental health isnt an excuse for behaving like a jackass.
Right! I’m side eying the bf knowing how this guy is and being okay with it
NTA The fact that your partner wants to force you to spend time with someone on your bday that makes you uncomfortable is not a good sign. Have a talk with him about expectations and boundaries.
It’s your party, your special moment, you should decide who to invite and who not, maybe for others it’s just an event but not for you. You have the right to decide who you want around that night and your partner should support you. Successes
NTA. It’s your party and you don’t like him. Your bf is welcome to invite his gross friend to any events he plans but for yours it’s a no. If you wanted him there he would have already been included
Why would you risk inviting him? Odd that bf wants him there.
NTA
NTA and definitely don’t invite him to DRINK. Duh.
NTA. This is your party and I would invite who I wanted to invite. Have your boyfriend explain to John that the party is going to be loved ones or something. Or maybe you make up something about being at capacity for your guest list.
NTA. No John.
NTA Don’t allow anything to stress you out at your own party. Frankly it’s weird your bf wants to pressure you to invite someone who’s hit on you in the past & said he didn’t care if you had a bf at the time. Maybe point out that it’s weird your bf is okay with that if he continues to press.
Worse comes to worst and you can tell your bf John has to agree not to drink and make it clear he WILL be escorted out of the party immediately if he doesn’t hold to his word.
It’s your party. Invite who you want to.
NTA
NTA, but wtf is a “WAG”