Hi. Throwaway. I (21F) took a gap year to study for the LSAT, which you need before applying to law school. My GPA is already high enough, but my first two LSAT attempts were decent but not in the 170+ range I needed. So I registered to take it a third time in February and wanted to make sure it would be my last attempt.
From December until my test date, I studied around 8–10 hours a day almost every day. Other than Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve, I pretty much didn’t do anything socially. I stopped going out and turned down a lot of plans. It honestly wasn’t fun, but this test has a huge impact on my future.
My cousin (28F) had her baby shower on January 31st, which was exactly one week before my LSAT. I told her ahead of time that I probably wouldn’t be able to attend because that week was part of my final stretch of studying and practice tests, but she asked me to still try and make it.
The week after, I visited her house and gave her some well-thought-out presents and a $150 Visa gift card for the baby. However, she was being kind of passive aggressive and saying things like “Ohhh, so now you show up?!” etc, My aunt also made comments and specifically said something along the lines of how this baby is basically my first niece and I missed something important like this. And much more.
Those comments hurt because of course the baby is important to me, but it’s not like I missed her birth. I stayed quiet because I did feel a bit guilty about missing it, especially since it’s her first child and she really wanted a girl. Her younger sister (22F), who I’m closer to, even told me I had been way too studious those past few months, which I agree with, but I felt like I had to be.
My immediate family didn’t think it was a big deal. Both my parents have PhDs and my older brother is in medical school, so they understood why I wanted to stay focused that week. Some of my extended family disagreed though. My cousin has been posting vague things online about people who “care more about their careers than family,” and a few relatives have said she’s been telling people I couldn’t even spare a couple hours for her, and just complaining about me straight up. My other cousins have told me that I should apologize to her and they’re telling me that I could’ve made time to go it it, but I really couldn’t have. I can’t even explain to them how the LSAT goes.
The thing is, the exam already happened and I ended up scoring a 178, this is an exceptional score and I’m really proud of myself. Since the test I’ve basically gone back to my normal self socially, and I’m planning to apply to schools this August while working a job I’ve wanted that has great hours. So, I don’t regret spending this much time studying at all. I don’t feel like apologizing either because it feels like everyones ganging up on me for something I did with no malicious intent and they know that.
So from an outside perspective: AITA for not attending my cousin’s baby shower?
you warned her in advance and still showed up later with gifts. that’s not ignoring family, that’s just managing priorities.
NTA You needed to focus on your exam. The time spent on it was successful.
You gave a generous gift. Missing a baby shower is not the end of the world.
Who cares who disagrees? You were invited to an event, you were unavailable, you politely declined. Your cousin can either move past it or distance herself from you. Let her do either one as she chooses, don’t stress about it. Gray rock the whole topic when anyone brings it up.
Congrats on your score! That’s fantastic. You worked very hard for that. Remember all the relatives who thought a baby shower was more important than your work towards your law degree when they want free legal work later on.
NTA
NTA, she already knew you most likely couldnt, and most likely just wanted a bigger crowd of people there for some fancy Instagram photos with some heartfelt caption to draw in popularity and congratulation messages. If I were you, I wouldve tooken all the things I gave her for the baby **straight** back as soon as she started making passive aggressive comments.
That kid isn’t going to give two shits you missed the shower from before it was born
NTA
NTA. Baby showers are dumb anyway.
NTA and WOW 178?!?!?!? You knew the work you needed to put in to get the result you wanted. Congrats.
As someone who has gone to post graduate school I know what it takes. The same sacrifice will be required during school and when bar time comes. People wont understand and that says more about them.
NTA- The baby will never know or care that you missed the baby shower. Your cousin is an adult and should know the world doesn’t revolve around her. You have to prioritize your future.
NTA
As you progress in your career, especially as a woman, you will find that people will call you “too studious” and “career focused” and “money driven” etc, mostly cause they don’t understand or even resent a different way of life. Unfortunately, you have different life views which is a big incompatibility. The simplest way to counter it that I have seen is to outright say no to invitations and share your deadlines in advance.
The LSAT is a big deal. You will have many more events that are big for you and you need to keep prioritizing your studies. It’s not like this is your spouse.
To be honest I question if they are underhandedly taking jabs at your professional drive and push for success. Maybe I’m reading too much into it.
NTA- Sure, family is important, but you told her in advance you couldn’t go and still got her a gift. I do see how she could be hurt by this but your entire future could’ve been impacted if you did bad on the exam. Wait until things calm down then apologize and explain. Best of luck to your schooling also!
This was for your career and the rest of your financial life. I would want you to miss my shower. You also made up for it later. NTA.
A petty part of me would have taken the gifts back once she started talking garbage, but I know that would make things worse.
NTA. Cousin and her mom should consider some schooling. Your cousin’s child isn’t “basically your first niece.” That baby is your first cousin once removed. Families like this irk me. Forced closeness is just a way to trample boundaries.
We all have lives, and your decision not to attend a baby shower did not negatively impact your cousin, the baby, or the gift she got. You’re all good; they need to calm TF down.
Eh you sound extremely focused and goal oriented and the world has never taken well to focused goal oriented women. I mean you’re 21, absolutely crushed the LSAT, and are likely to have a fantastic career. If someone isn’t paying my bills—I NEVER ruminate on their thoughts as to how I’m spending my money or time!