My sister (35F) is getting married in Idaho this September. Her and her fiancé have lived there for the past 5 years. We grew up in Virginia and I (30F) still live in our hometown.
I am the MOH and offered to plan the bachelorette party. My sister declined and wanted to do it herself. There are 6 people attending; 3 from Virginia, 1 from California, 1 from Missouri and my sister from Idaho. My sister wants the party to be in Cancun, Mexico for a long weekend (Thursday-Sunday) in August at an all-inclusive resort. Flights from my nearest airport are currently \~$700 round trip. The all inclusive costs roughly $1200. All in, we are looking at \~$2000 after airport transfers and tipping.
I told my sister this was a crazy amount to spend on a bachelorette party given we then have to travel for the wedding in September. To save herself money, my sister is getting married on a WEDNESDAY. Being the MOH, I need to be there a day before the wedding for the rehearsal. This leaves Monday as a travel day, Tuesday rehearsal, Wednesday wedding, send off brunch Thursday, travel home Friday aka requires a full week of PTO. Flights to Idaho in September are currently \~$500. Add in a few hundred for the dress, hair and makeup and hotel in Idaho for the week.
Long story short, with all of the events I’ll end up paying +\\- $3000. I just think this is insane. I feel like I can’t opt out of the wedding itself, AITA for opting out of the bachelorette party to save money?
Info: Why is your sister spending this much money?
Her: YOLO
NAH but I won’t be surprised if others won’t attend either because of price. I don’t think it’s an assholish thing to want a long weekend trip for a bachelor/ette weekend, but you can’t expect others to blindly accept when costs start getting high and you’re well within your rights to turn it down
There is (or should be) absolutely no shame or guilt for bowing out of wedding activities that have gotten out of hand. Who the eff are these brides (not just your sister- ALL THE BRIDES!) that think it’s totally fine to expect your friends/family to pay thousands of dollars for your bach party/shower AND to travel to your wedding AND to pay for the dress and hair and makeup AND…. no. it’s just not feasible for everyone.
Tell your sister that you’re thrilled her and her friends have the means and time off for this party but you’re not able to go. Call the hotel and have a bottle of champs brought to her room upon arrival. This is the end of the story. lol you don’t need to explain. This is your SISTER- she should understand that SHE is being extra and YOU are not able to accommodate. Sorry!
I’m a bride and I just can’t even imagine asking my friends or family to shell out all this money for not even the wedding! This is just to party before the wedding! Nope sorry I have my money earmarked for things that are important to me and I assume my friends do too!
Wedding culture (like lab diamonds) is OUT OF CONTROL. lol!
THANK YOU. We had my friends bach trip in Scottsdale. Yeah it wasn’t cheap, but nowhere NEAR ops cost. Why the hell do people think others are going to spend absurd amounts of money on someone else’s party???
NTA
No is a complete sentence. Just, no.
However, is SHE paying for anyone’s flights since she wants to go to Cancun? Or is she expecting you guys to cover her trip?
Luckily no, she hasn’t mentioning covering her trip costs. Everyone is responsible for their own
NAH. I’m so glad I’m so old that for me, these parties were just getting drinks or packing favors the day before the wedding. The expectation for travel was limited to the actual wedding. It was a lot more reasonable
My GFs and I went out on the town one night a week before the wedding and we all slept at my apartment, two in my bed, one on the couch, while the last dragged the excess couch & loveseat cushions on the floor for an impromptu futon. One missed it because she went on a course of meds and passed out and slept right through. Oopsy!
The expectations these days is just insane.
Like, ladies, these are your friends and families you’re abusing and they won’t forget!
Nta! 2k for a bach trip? Fuck that. You have no obligation to spend a month’s worth of rent on a party.
Heck yeah!!!! 🤣
NTA. Spending thousands on an international trip for *someone else’s wedding* is insane. I’d she wants to go to Cancun so badly she can go there on her honeymoon. People need to stop expecting others to drop thousands of take so much time off work for their wedding.
NTA. Asking people to spend $2,000 on a bachelorette party and then take a full week of PTO for a Wednesday wedding is an enormous ask. Most people cannot afford this.
NTA. I was in a wedding last year and my share of the cost of the bachelor party was $65. That covered space rental and food. I spent another $65ish on drinks. Expecting people to pay a $2k expense is quite frankly insane.