my mom’s getting married, obviously i am very happy for her and i’m glad she found someone she loves! unfortunately she gave me very short notice, i can’t remember exactly as i have a rather bad memory but i think it was a little under a month. i still live with her so i help out with buying things around the house and money for rent if i have enough left over.
last month i quit my job and i was focused on getting a new job. my family isnt very well off and my mom constantly stresses to me how financially unstable we are and how we are close to being homeless, i will admit because of that i was more focused on finding and getting a job over her wedding and i forgot how close it was. i did get a new job and ive been scheduled 5 days a week, one of those days being the day my mom wants to get married.
i told her i couldnt go because of work and she sent me a text a few days later saying she’s hurt i don’t want to go to her wedding. she seemed fine with it at the time but the weddings next week and im already scheduled on that day, i understand weddings are a big thing and i understand why she would be upset but i really need a stable job and i cant risk losing this long term position over one day.
is this an understandable choice? or is it really as bad as it feels?
edit: someone told me this is important information to add, sorry for the late addition but i am 17
YTA at least ask at your job. It’s just one day
Honestly Y-T-A you could have said in the interview you had a day you were not available. Is she flighty or are you? I’m leaning YTA because it isn’t that hard.
Edit: If you didn’t know the date then that changes things. Also 17 is young and you live and learn. Still could ask. She could also possibly move the date seems informal. Good luck.
Did you even ask your employer for the day off? I find it hard to believe that they wouldn’t allow you to attend your mother’s wedding if you requested it.
I’m leaning towards YTA because you seem to care very little about anything outside of your own life. Perhaps there’s a reason for that, but your mom tells you that she’s getting married and you can’t even remember that? It’s such an insignificant thing for you that you can’t be bothered to recall it, ask for the day off, or literally anything?
The whole having a bad memory excuse is just that. It’s a go to excuse to excuse your lack of interest in whatever it was that you forgot about.
>if I have enough money left over
>I have a bad memory
NTA for getting a job and trying to keep it, but I have a feeling YTA about other things with your mom. Try to be more considerate of your mom, just in general.
INFO did you ask and they told you no? Or you’re not even going to ask? Most places would probably be flexible for such an event
YTA I get it was short notice, but the real reason you’re not going is because you forgot. You could have asked for that day off before they made your schedule or asked for it when you remembered.
Isn’t it a thing to say if you have an upcoming commitment when being hired? I feel like every job I’ve gotten has asked me about that.
That requires you to remember or give a shit in the first place.
Blaming a 17yo for being worried about losing a job that they need to financially support their parent because they didn’t prioritize a quickie wedding in their mind when they’re already going to school and working is absolutely disgusting.
YTA you knew your family was struggling and you just quit your job with no back up plan.
You knew she was getting married soon but forgot the date. That’s on you.
You aren’t even willing to ask for it off or swap.
YTA
When you were hired you could have told them what the date was, and that you would not be able to work. That’s a very common thing to do, so why didn’t you?
Honestly it sounds like an excuse – why didn’t you write the date down, or put it in your phone, or a post-it or ANYTHING to remind you of this very important date of your mom’s celebration? AND you didn’t think to say anything when you accepted the job?
Why don’t you just ask your job? Like that would be the first choice… ask for the time off and explain it’s for your mom’s wedding. Unless for some reason you don’t actually want to go? For now it’s giving YTA until you actually weigh all options.
Soft YTA. I’ve done hiring for multiple companies now, and none have ever denied a new hire a day off that was noted during their interview/orientation. If you had remembered and asked for the time off before starting the role, I have no doubt they would have worked with your time off without any negative impact on your career.
1) ask a coworker to cover for you
2) ask your boss to accommodate you
You need to do both of these steps before you say no, otherwise you are unfortunately the asshole.