I (19F now, 18 at the time) met a man (32M) almost a year ago at an afterparty club.
We talked because one of his female friends wasn’t feeling well and I helped her. We danced, sang and drank a bit. When we left the club, it was already morning. He asked me to stay with his friends and I said yes.
We didn’t see each other much at the beginning. The second time we met he gave me his number and said he would call, but he never really did. Most of the time I saw him again by coincidence.
Over time we kept seeing each other sometimes.
He thought it was casual. For me it wasn’t.
I slowly caught feelings and he was my first time….. almost Everything
About 4–5 months later I got pregnant by him.
Only after that I found out he had a girlfriend.
Not for a short time but almost a decade.
He never told me. I found out later and even saw them together.
I felt disgusting and guilty because I never wanted to be “the other woman”
If I had known, I would never have been with him.
When I confronted him he said their relationship had difficult phases and he needed “distraction”
That hurt me a lot.
I stayed at his place for a few days while pregnant.
His bathroom was destroyed (broken mirror and sink).
I WAS SHOOKED…. Might Sound dramtic but it was not something that u coul fix quickly!
One of his female friends asked him on the phone:
“What about the girl who is pregnant by you?”
He avoided it and said he had to figure things out.
After that she insulted me and called me an attention seeker and a slut MIND U SHE IS 30 AMD A WOMEN HELLLLOO
What hurts is that people judged me first even though he is older and hid his girlfriend.
We kept seeing each other on and off.
Sometimes we didn’t talk for weeks, sometimes we spent whole days together.
Sometimes we met in clubs and danced secretly.
We never went to each other’s events. It was an unspoken rule.
I blocked him once.
Two days later I saw him again and we spent day and night together.
He noticed I blocked him and told me to unblock him.
I don’t want him to leave his girlfriend.
I know they have history.
I don’t think “why doesn’t he choose me”
What destroys me is that I still have feelings even though I know this is wrong.
I feel like a bad person.
My self respect feels gone.
My morals feel gone.
And I feel horrible for his girlfriend.
I think I can only do this because I don’t really know her.
My brain switches everything off in the moment so I don’t feel how wrong it is.
I know people will say “just leave”
But emotionally I can’t.
AITA for not being able to walk away from someone I know I should not be involved with?