So I (25F) work at a hair salon in my small town. I’ve worked there for about a year, and as far as a first year hairstylist it wasn’t terrible but this year has been brutal for me personally. My aunt died, my best friend died, my boyfriend of four years randomly dumped me and I had to move back in with my parents, and my brother’s house caught on fire. Those last two just happened in the last month. I have obviously not been in the headspace to want to do my hair or makeup lately.
Well this morning I was suppose to have a client at 9am and my boss (45F) texted me and said my client is sick and I don’t have to come in until 10 and I can clean and paint the windows since I don’t have another client until 4:30. Well of course I slept in a little too much and I was on the verge of being late to work. I decided that since I’m gonna be cleaning and painting windows and my only client for the day is my cousin I wasn’t going to do anything special to my hair or makeup.
So this is where I realized I’m in the wrong… I was 10 minuets late to work now I’m not always late to work but today I was and when I walked in my boss looks and me and in front of the whole salon says “I give you an extra hour and your 10 minuets late and look like a fucking wreck” I was stunned and honestly embarrassed she said that in front of everyone so I quickly start cleaning the salon as I’m folding laundry my boss stops doing her clients hair and points at me across the room and says “you. Follow me.” Once I got into her office with her she said “put down the fucking towel, put on your fucking coat. Go home. And do your fucking hair and makeup. I don’t pay you to look like a fucking mess” I didn’t say anything and left like she’d asked.
On my way back to my house I cried out of embarrassment I mean I have naturally wavy blonde hair with brown roots per my boss’s request because “we don’t have time for blondes” even though I’ve been blonde for over a decade. And I have very pale skin, I honestly wouldn’t say I’m ugly but I have gotten comments in the past about how I look “sick” or “tired” without makeup on. And honestly when I did do my hair and makeup I did look a lot prettier but I didn’t feel any better. I should also add that the other girl that works there has never done her hair or makeup in the year I’ve been there.
When I got back to the salon my boss was overly nice to me. I’m sure it was to compensate for what she said to me earlier but my friends from cosmetology school and other friends think that I should look into going to a different salon if possible but some part of me feels like she’s justified… AITA?
NTA Berating you in front of everyone is not appropriate at all, no matter what you looked like, and speaks to her weakness as a manager.
ESH Your boss could have approached it better, but salons are places where you expect the employees to be put together. The employees are essentially a billboard for the salon so looking “like a fucking mess” may be harsh but unless you were hiding in a back room all day you should be presentable. There are a lot of carriers where you have to be put together for the day.
I can’t speak to your boss’s internal mindset, but this isn’t *just* about your boss. You are in a customer-service position where you literally sell appearances. Your own appearance is an unavoidable part of this. Your customers will notice if you don’t take care of yourself. This is costing you money.
You justified today’s events by noting that your only scheduled customer was a relative. But you don’t want that to *continue* to be the pattern. You aren’t going to be successful just selling to your own family!
NTA. You’re working in a toxic environment. I’d recommend looking elsewhere, if possible.
YTA for misrepresenting the situation. It’s not “are you pretty” it’s do you show up for your workplace presenting yourself in an appropriate manner for that workplace, which you are not doing. I am sorry that this year has been terrible for you. If you need to take time off, then do so. If you need support for that, ask for it. However if you are going to work, then follow the work requirements.
Sorry, if we’re gonna hold her to “appropriate manner for a workplace” then we need to hold the boss to the same standard. In no job should someone ever be spoken to in such a disgusting manner, even in a salon, my grand-aunt owned one for decades, and my great grandmother before her for most her life, I understand it can get nasty, but that doesn’t make it acceptable. This could’ve been a simple “you’re not meeting professional requirements for hygiene and appearance, please go home and correct it”
Should OP of shown up in a way suitable for the location, yes, but that doesn’t give the boss the right to speak or treat her that way. Not to mention the part about the coworker that’s never done her hair or makeup makes this look like unfair treatment.
It’s not a requirement for the job, it’s a requirement only for op. It’s discrimination. If op “has” to wear make up and do their hair so should ever other stylist in the salon, but nope just op.
I can see how, even if you won’t be working with clients, you’re still representing the salon while you’re there. So they can expect you to look like you would on a normal day.
BUT she was a fucking AH about it, AND she doesn’t tell other workers to put on makeup, AND it’s not like you showed up with bedhead & pjs. (please tell me you brushed your hair and got dressed!)
NTA
YTA for being late, but the boss was over the line too- no one should be called a ‘fucking mess’ at work. You gave A LOT of excuses and I’m sorry life is so tough right now, but making it everyone else’s fault doesn’t help you at all. If you are not ok to go to work, call out/take a day/get a different job that is not so customer-facing.
But you work in the beauty field and I wouldn’t want to get an expensive hair cut from someone who looked like a slob. Soft yta.
NTA. Not only is this HIGHLY unprofessional this is borderline worthy of a hostile work environment or harassment claim. I guarantee that a male hairstylist would not get the same treatment because this is straight up internalized misogyny. Your face without makeup is not a wreck and is just as professional as with makeup on. Makeup is a personal preference and in most states generally illegal to require female employees to wear to work.
If the salon has HR, now is the time to contact them. If not you should research the laws regarding what is reasonably required for your presentation at work and set a boundary with your boss via email so there is a paper trail. This is grounds for a hostile work environment and harassment lawsuit. Let them know that you know this.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. This is not an acceptable way to be spoken to at work. Doing it publicly makes it even more inappropriate and unprofessional. Unfortunately, the types of people who behave this way will continue to push and assert control until you set a boundary. Best of luck in this situation!
ESH- in your industry asthetics and appearance are part of the package. You have to be on point even when you don’t feel like it.
It was unprofessional how your boss spoke to you.
ESH
if i go to a salon and the stylist isnt put together, i have doubts about their taste/the level of effort they are willing to put into my hair.
More info is needed… not wearing makeup is one thing, but was your hair brushed? Styled? Were you in jogging pants?
You can be natural and still look professional, I’m wondering if maybe you were too far over the line of comfort vs business for your boss to react like that…
NTA, and the people commenting ESH or YTA are out of their fucking minds quite frankly.
No, you should not have been 10 minutes late especially when you were allowed to show up an hour later than usual in the first place. Your boss IS right about that.
You should show up to work in acceptable condition – hair is tidy, clothing is professional. Makeup should never be a requirement unless they are going to force their male staff to wear it as well (which they wont).
Regardless of your appearance, it is NEVER acceptable for any level of management to curse at their employees. And unless it is a coaching comment specifically about meeting dress code guidelines, there should never be any negative comments or insults on one’s appearance in the workplace, especially from management. That coaching should never ever be laden with cussing, insults, or personal opinion. The way your manager spoke to you was deeply unprofessional, demeaning, abusive, and therefore unacceptable.
Singling you out in front of staff and customers is beyond unprofessional, and quite ostracizing. Your boss is setting an example for how other employees can treat each other and how she can/will treat her employees. Customer perspective of professionalism in the salon is obviously not her concern. She sounds like someone who became a manager because she has control issues and has not grown out of her 9th grade mean girl phase, not because she is interested in leading and teaching.
Again, regardless of appearance and timeliness, it is never acceptable for any reason to verbally abuse an employee.