3 of my friends and I planned a trip to Toronto next weekend back in September. I already purchased the plane ticket and hotel around that time. I told my mom about this trip when we planned it, but i did not tell her the exact date. A few weeks later she told me that my cousin was getting married in December but also didn’t tell me the exact date. For some reason i didnt think much of it but you can see where this is going. Today we found out that the wedding and my trip was going to be during the same weekend. I told her that I cant cancel my trip because the hotel is under my name and non refundable.The money i can take the loss for, but I don’t want to leave 3 of my friends looking for a place to stay on such short notice (5 days). Obviously I’ve been getting yelled at all day for being the asshole, but I planned this trip and told her about it weeks before I was even aware of my cousins wedding. AITA?
NTA. I’m guessing that since this info all came via your mom, you and your cousin aren’t particularly close, and generally people who have weddings know that not everyone will be able to make it due to previous commitments, life stuff, etc.
Especially when it sounds like the wedding date wasn’t even set until mid September… This is why the save-the-date’s exist far in advance. Giving just 3 months notice about an event on a weekend in the busiest month of the year (depending on the region/culture) is asking for schedule conflicts.
Everyone in this story sounds utterly inept at communicating though.
Your cousin giving out a wedding date a month (or less) before the event is going to get a lot of “nos” so it won’t just be you not attending.
My cousin told my mom way earlier she just didnt tell me for a while.
Well you mother can stop blaming you for having plans, its her fault. Enjoy your trip!
Your cousin should have sent the invite to you not through your mother.
NTA. Did you ever receive an invitation to this wedding? No? Then why would you go?
You told your mom about your planned trip when you made the arrangements for your trip even without exact dates. YOU did your duty to her for that. She should fully know that after a certain point trips become non-refundable. Your cousin’s wedding and the short notice for it is NOT your responsibility. Enjoy your trip. NTA
You found out a few weeks before the wedding? Did you not ever talk to your cousin, receive a save the date or invite?????
You obviously aren’t close with the cousin if you didn’t receive an invite yourself. Just go on the trip with your friends.
NTA, unless you received a wedding invitation (which would’ve contained the relevant info) why would you make plans around an event you didn’t even know was happening?
You are under no obligation to attend anyone’s wedding unless it’s your own. People act like someone getting married is the pinnacle of social obligations but it’s really not. People get married all the time (and a lot of them end in divorce). If it was SO important to the person getting married that you be there they would have cleared the dates with you before booking anything. My husband and I picked a loose date, then made sure our parents didn’t have any trips booked we weren’t aware of and if they knew of any other family stuff that might prevent a lot of people from coming and then we started booking stuff. And yeah, some people couldn’t make it… I don’t even know why they couldn’t and don’t care cause it’s none of my business. Even if they just didn’t feel like it. Who cares. I’m still married to my husband which is ultimately the main point of getting married – not to make sure family fulfills some obligation.
Go on your trip and have a good time.
NTA.
Cousin won’t care whether you are there; this is all about mom saving face.
Mom knows full well that there is a reason why people send Save the Date cards. Mom should have told you the date as soon as she got the invitation which presumably was months ago.
NTA
NTA, either you’re not close enough to get the information in a timely manner or they’re not that bothered about your attendance.
If you were close with the cousin you’d be more informed about when the date was