My partner (30m) and I (27f) have had differences when it comes to traveling, seeing family etc. My partner is complaining about how much it costs to go from one area of the city we live in to another because of tolls. I told him I agree it must be a headache but ofc I never offer help to pay (I’m not on any ppw for the car, I only drove the car once for two blocks in the 2-3 years we have been together lol)
This is where it’s coming to a head. Whenever we used to go visit my grandma he tells me how expensive it is without fail every. single. time. Something along the lines of “you see this is why I don’t want to go as often bc you’re not the one driving, paying for it. You don’t feel it the way I do.” We probably would see her once every two months but have since slowed down because of differences between my grandma and myself.
Now he is talking about how he doesn’t want to pay for toll two times in a row for the holidays visiting family (one day for his, one for mine) because it would be expensive for him. He was upset we can’t see both families at the same time but I had informed him of the reason why (custody agreement) and he made a face. I told him “Eff it. I’ll pay for it whatever”
He hasn’t hinted at me paying for it before but whenever it’s something for me to visit family, there’s always a complaint.
So.. AITA for not caring to pay? Not sure if I’m wording the question correctly
If he’s driving you to visit your family, you should pay the tolls. YTA
YTA… If you are going to see YOUR grandma then you should absolutely be paying the tolls. It must be nice having a free uber, which is what you are using your partner as.
YTA for not contribute to gas and toll for years!? Why haven’t you paid anything? I’m confused
YTA
> I told him I agree it must be a headache but ofc I never offer help to pay (I’m not on any ppw for the car, I only drove the car once for two blocks in the 2-3 years we have been together lol)
If he’s the one supplying the car, paying for the gas and is doing 100% of the driving, you should be paying for ALL of the tolls. I don’t even really understand your logic here. Your partner is very consistently telling you the problem that he is having and you… .just don’t care?
You can very easily solve this by paying the toll when it’s your family you’re visiting, especially if both of your families live on the other side of the toll. You not driving the car is irrelevant, he’s driving so you can see your family.
Unless there is some area where you are paying significantly more for something that benefits him, of course YTA! He is making separate trips to visit your family. He is paying for the gas, wear and tear on his car, and the tolls. You should at least be paying 100% for gas AND tolls every time he drives you somewhere for your family. Every time he drives you somewhere for a date, you could offer to split the cost. I’m not really into tit for tat, but your feeling that you should never pay anything is very offensive! ALSO, you say he hasn’t hinted at you paying…yes he has. Every single time he complains that it’s expensive and every time he makes a face that you can’t visit both families at once, he is hinting!
YTA
You cannot be serious. Of course you should be paying the tolls when visiting your family. Just like he should pay the tolls when visiting his family. YTA
Not only are YTA, you’re also selfish and inconsiderate. This is your family. Take some responsibility.
YTA. You should absolutely be helping to pay the toll when it’s because you’re visiting your family. You’re not acting like a partner.
YTA. Why would you not pay the toll fees in the first place? He literally drives you to see your family. Who does this benefit? You. The least you can do is pay. And no he shouldn’t have to tell you to pay. It’s pretty obvious that it’s basic decency. I don’t think the toll fees are the only issue here though. Why can’t you drive? Can’t you add yourself to the car insurance? I’m sure it costs more but it would help to divide the labor of driving. As someone who got a car before all my friends.. it eventually gets annoying to drive others around. I even distanced myself from a friend who doesn’t drive cause she’s always asking for rides without offering any gas money. I am not a free taxi, and neither is your partner.
LMAOOOO you literally just sat there instead of reimbursing him? If you wanna see your family and it’s an issue for him how much it costs on tolls, put on your big girl panties and shell out some cash. You could take a ride share or public transport if you really don’t want to be a decent person. YTA
YTA. Not only should you be contributing towards the toll, you should be offering to pay for gas when he drives you. It doesn’t matter that you don’t drive his car, you are *riding* in his car, and you are using him and his car and his time to go places he would not need to go if it weren’t for you. You shouldn’t even have to ask, you should have been contributing towards those costs this entire time.
So let me get this straight… you’re using your partners ride on a regular basis and don’t think you should contribute to tolls, gas , etc because it isn’t your car?? You should be helping out with these costs without being asked. Your partner is getting angry because of your entitlement. YTA