Today is my birthday and I turned 25 (F). Every birthday I’ve had, including this one, I have never received one birthday gift, I’ve had the odd occasional card. I always focused my birthday gifts on what I needed and not wanted and would send a relative who asked me what I wanted one item I needed. For example, aged 14, I needed new shoes as the shoes I had on was too tight and I had grown a size, I told a relative I was constantly developing blisters and bleeding at the back of my ankle, never got the shoes, never got a present.
Every year, my relatives ask me what I want to do and where do I want to go for my birthday, it never happens. If it does, my relatives say "I have to pay for it", if I wanted to go to McDonald’s, for example, I have to pay for it myself, even though my family are doing okay financially. Later on, I’m seeing a friend and her partner, but I’m the one having to make the effort and travel an hour on public transport, they have a car.
My family asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday this year and what I wanted, I wanted to do nothing and go nowhere. Family are telling me I’m an asshole and I’m being selfish for not wanting to celebrate. At this point, I feel like the black sheep of the family. AITA?
NTA. Next time they ask, tell them to surprise you.
this!!
And maybe even add ‘oh, you know me, you know what makes me happy’ just to be a little petty about it.
NTA and everyone deserves to be celebrated. I know it’s not much coming from a stranger but Happy Birthday. As I get older, I’ve come to the conclusion that I live for me. How about you celebrate you. Go out to a fancy restaurant, buy yourself something that you normally wouldn’t, make a cake or buy some cupcakes. And I would go NC with your relatives. Are they always this nonchalant about celebrations? Have they always treated you like poorly?
No, you’re absolutely NTA! At the risk of sounding harsh, it seems like these people are not reciprocating any effort you put in and they suck for that. You shouldn’t have to foot the bill for your own birthday celebration, and I’m sorry they aren’t considering you and how you feel in all of this. Instead of trying to understand why you feel the way you do, they’re doubling down and calling you names because they’re not gonna get their free meal.
Stay strong, and instead of spending time with people who don’t appreciate you, spend your birthday doing what you want. Any money you’d have otherwise spent paying for a birthday dinner, spend it on yourself on something you WANT rather than need. And use this as a starting point to go low contact with those who don’t put in any effort.
Birthday’s are shit. I haven’t celebrated one for years.
NTA and happy birthday
NTA – no matter what have happened before, celebrating your birthday is YOUR choice, not theirs.
Happy birthday – on your terms! Spoil yourself rotten.
tysm <3
NTA, if nothing happens, nothing happens. So much that happened in other people’s lives didn’t happen in yours (getting a gift), now you don’t expect a gift or go somewhere during your birthday. It’s your birthday, mate, your choice. NTA
NTA.
M39, I switch my phone off for 1-3 days when it’s my Birthday, because the “Happy” part doesn’t align with my reality and I don’t want to recieve wishes from anyone. I’m single, if it isn’t obvious. I even stopped telling people who ask, and they take offense by it. Why people make your birthday about them, I’ll never understand.
As long as you remember other people’s birthdays, it shouldn’t matter. If people use your birthday as a means to do an activity/have an event because they’re bored otherwise, they can make their own plans and include you (or not). At 25 you should be granted full autonomy over your behaviour – even if it means ignoring a common tradition.
I myself had a situation where people badgered me to go out, I refused but changed my mind later and suddenly everyone was too busy. That was the nail in the coffin for me.
Nta whats the point in asking you? Like genuinely whats the point if it is not FOR YOU? if it was truly for you theyd think about something other than themselves. Happy birthday, you matter and your time matters. Im sorry if they make it feel different
NTA – it’s up to you what you do on your birthday because it’s YOUR birthday. And I’m really and truly sorry that all these people are terrible people. A 14 year old should not be having to ask for shoes as a birthday present, they should be supplied by parents because it’s something you need. That was neglect! And then they didn’t even get you any! The fact they ask you what you want and what you want to do and then do none of the things you ask is awful!
I suggest you look at getting therapy to deal with the neglect you’ve experienced, and also to deal with these people that you’re likely going to have to go NC with because they all sound terrible.
Don’t listen to these awful people, do something that makes you happy. In fact if you were already going to foot the bill, instead of taking them out, take yourself out. Go watch a movie you want to see, go out for a solo cafe trip or dinner, go to a gallery or museum. Go to a book store and take time to look and treat yourself to a book. Do something that you like for once without having to drag those deadbeats along.
And also, Happy Birthday. Here’s to leaving behind old baggage and starting fresh.
Sweetheart, buy yourself a birthday gift and take yourself out to lunch/dinner. Celebrate YOU,
Happy birthday.,
NTA – and If you don’t wanna be bothered, tell them that you already have plans.
I’m sorry that they made you feel neglected. That can be a good time to befriend yourself- spoil yourself a little bit, give yourself a gift that you WANT, just because, for your own pleasure. Do what you like, eat what you like, etc. If there is a day in a year when you should treat yourself- it’s your birthday and you can do whatever you like with that day (with, you know, healthy boundries, don’t spend all your life savings and don’t hurt people 😉 ).
I hope celebrating your birthday in future will give you much joy and happiness, with people who cares truly about you.