I’m 27M and my ex-girlfriend is 27F. We were together for four years, and I was planning to propose to her this Christmas.
Throughout the relationship, I tried to be a good boyfriend. I work a lot and make good money for my age, and I’m currently doing my master’s degree. We had a lot of ups and downs regular arguments like most couples but over time I started to feel frustrated. I didn’t feel like she was there for me the way I was there for her. We argued a lot, and I honestly did not have peace.
In the last four years, we both grew and now we know more clearly what we want in a partner moving forward. I’ll be honest: I assumed it would be easier for her to move on, and that it would be harder for me to find someone I could see myself marrying.
Even though it hurts, I’m trying to accept that I have to move on. She told me she no longer has feelings for me and that she never enjoyed any of the trips I paid for the flights, hotels, date nights, everything. Hearing that made me feel like I was played. It’s going to be hard for me to trust another woman after this. This was the first time I truly felt in love, and I kind of hate it now because I loved her so much that I disregarded my own happiness. Every plan I had for my future included her.
Right now, I’m doing well on paper. I have a great job that pays me well, I’m single and focused on my master’s, and my future in corporate America looks bright. I just have to stay focused, and whoever is meant for me will come. I go to the gym and to church because I truly believe that with God I can heal properly and learn to trust again.
I told her that I’m grateful for everything the relationship taught me, that I’m moving on, and that I hope she finds happiness and fulfillment in whatever she’s looking for.
I haven’t chased her, begged her to come back, or tried to convince her to stay. I just let her go.
So, AITA for not chasing my ex after the breakup?
You’re not the AH. Accepting her feelings and moving on with dignity is the healthiest choice. Chasing her wouldn’t fix anything focusing on yourself is the best move.
NTA
Respecting her choice to leave is a really loving and kind choice to make. It’s hard, but you are showing that you genuinely cared for her.
Why would you be TA for giving her what she wanted unless both of you are playing some unhealthy game of needing to prove your love? She said she doesn’t love you, you break up, take the lessons you can from this (like not putting someone consistently ahead of yourself) and focus on building your life. NTA and good luck to you.
Just sounds like a vent
I don’t understand the question… why would you chase her?
NAH
She doesn’t want to be chased. She doesn’t want you back. You also say you felt “played”. It’s over, that’s it. This happens.
I do think your post read “I’m perfect and she didn’t support me enough and I paid for everything and am a 10 on paper, so her loss”. I would genuinely have some humility and realize that maybe the message she sent was “it was never about the money or how much you spent. You weren’t giving me enough emotionally”.
INFO What exactly is the interpersonal conflict here? It sounds like the breakup was mutual. Is someone demanding you chase your ex?
she made it clear she doesnt have feelings nor did she enjoy anything you paid for, if you chased you’d just be lacking self respect. you’re not the asshole at all, you have self respect and are doing successfully without her
You’re TA for this self serving post.
There’s no conflict here. You guys broke up, you moved on. There’s absolutely no reason to harass her now, when you don’t want to get back together and neither does she.
NTA. If she said she no longer has feelings for you, then she has already moved on and so should you.
Any reason your making this post? For someone so happy and moved on this makes no sense
NTA. Don’t chase someone who doesn’t appreciate you.
I strongly recommend therapy. It will help you move on.
NTA.
Not everything is like the movies. The movies romanticize reality.
Reality is, you broke up for a reason and sure, you chase her, she comes back, you get the butterflies and the spark but for how long? 2 weeks? 2 months? 2 years?
And then you’re back to square 1- fighting, unhappiness.
It’s just a vicious cycle and all I see is just a massive waste of time.
This is real life. Work hard and Chase your dreams, not the girl.