was in a relationship for the last 4 years. It ended last year and I am now using dating apps. I had been on a few dates with one woman and things seemed to be going well. She asked what my plans were for this week and I mentioned I have a hospital appointment.
She asked what it was for and if everything was okay and I mentioned it was just a routine appointment as I have ulcerative colitis so I have to go to the hospital for treatment every couple of months.
She changed at this point and asked how long I’ve known about it. I mentioned I’ve had the condition for 3 years. She got annoyed at this and asked why I didn’t state this up front. I asked why I would when it’s not a contagious disease and doesn’t affect her at all.
She just said it was something I should have been upfront about instead of hiding it. I pointed out I wasn’t hiding it, it just wasn’t necessary to mention straightaway as it’s not really anyone elses business.
After this she blocked me. I mentioned it to a few friends and the majority agreed with me but one argued it is deceptive to not have it in my profile and mention it early on but I don’t see why I should need to.
My friend mentioned the fact I was hospitalised with the condition previously so it’s serious so I should be upfront about it but I reminded him that was before it was diagnosed and now I’m receiving treatment that works and either way it doesn’t mean I should have to disclose it straight away.
AITA for not disclosing my medical condition sooner?
NTA. Your friend is being ridiculous
#***NTA***
As far as I can tell, you handled this exactly right. It doesn’t affect her, and you didn’t hide it – when it came up naturally, you told her about it.
nta, your poop is nobodies business
I love this response because especially in this case, that is what she was expecting. Imagine how her response would have been if you dropped “before we go further, let’s talk about my inflammatory bowel disease” between the favorite foods and coffee or tea discussions. Worst getting to know you topic ever! I truly believe that’s a 6th date topic, at least.
You disclosed it at the first ‘normal’ opportunity. NTA, would be a bit weird to put it in a dating profile.
100%! I would be so weirded out to read this info in a profile!
Right!? I’d immediately be wondering if this person sees their fairly normal medical issue as part of their identity! I have mild CFS and various muscular issues, they do actually affect my partner in a secondary sense since they need to be understanding of low energy days or when I can’t go on a long walk or whatever but I don’t count it as part of my identity so never mentioned it until it came up naturally because of a situation, much like OP did. The friend is weird to think anyone needs to know about that condition at the point of deciding whether to date someone!
Yeah, exactly this. OP mentioned at the first opportunity where it came up naturally, which I think is the right way to approach it. It would be odd to mention in your profile, but likewise deceptive if you *didn’t* mention it when it came up (i.e. didn’t mention the hospital appointment or gave a non-answer at that point). OP I think you handled this exactly correctly, and you can just count yourself lucky that this relationship didn’t go any further.
NTA
There are lots of things people don’t put in their profiles upfront. It was only a couple of dates in, it’s not like you were hiding this from her and lying for months on end. I don’t get it. She can feel whatever way she wants, but I think she’s over-reacting and I think your friend is too.
What did she want? Hi, my name is OP. I have Ulcerative Colitis.
Give me a break. It came up in conversation. Count your blessings that she’s showing her true colors early and move on. NTA
NTA. You were upfront about it and didn’t try to hide it when it came up. Dating someone doesn’t mean you need to disclose a complete medical history.
NTA, honestly I’d find it really weird if you put that condition on your profile or brought it up in the first few dates unless it came up naturally (as in the hospital appointmen). like, it’s a bit TMI I think for a profile or the first or second date.
NTA
You should disclose your personal medical information when not disclosing it puts you at risk, or puts the other person at risk. COVID, STIs, anaphylaxis, stuff like that.
Ulcerative colitis is your business and your friend is out of line.
NTA. I also have a chronic condition and if I were dating, I would disclose it after a few dates if I saw the relationship going somewhere. I’m not going to tell every single person or announce it on my profile.