Relevant Info: my daughter (15) is EXTREMELY good at communicating her plans and whereabouts to me. I mean, if we are in the same store but in different departments she tells me if she is going to the bathroom kinda stuff. This is mutual as I tell her my plans and whereabouts when it pertains to her as well. It stems from when we lived in a very busy urban city and her intense fear of being kidnapped and harmed. We no longer live there and currently live in a very rural and extremely safe area. Lots of her friends grew up in this area and rarely leave.
Current Issue: my daughter and her best friend (14) had a day off school and were hanging out at our home. They asked if I could drive them to the city closest to us for some mall hopping and holiday gift card spending. I agreed and the friend apparently communicated this plan with her Mom. Unknown to me, the friend’s Mom set a specific pickup time at our house. We had a great day shopping about and having lunch. My daughter’s friend then received a very angry phone-call from her mom, who apparently had gone to our house and found us not home at the pickup time. Evidently the mom had texted that she was on her way a few times with no reply from her daughter. The mom does have location sharing capabilities. My daughter’s friend was supposed to go on a trip with us this weekend and that has been taken away as has her phone access. Not my place to judge parenting choices, nor do I know the full picture so I am pretty neutral on that. My daughter is fully panicking that she wont be able to ever hang out with her best friend again as this Mom is generally pretty restrictive and has very firm expectations of her daughter academically. My daughter is worried that somehow she will be viewed as problematic and will lose her best friend. I have assured her this likely is not the case, but also that reaction could be in the wheelhouse of potential outcomes given when I have recently gathered from this experience.
Why I feel like I might be the Asshole: I feel like I should have double checked the plans to make sure I had all the info directly from my daughter’s friend’s Mom. I just kind of assumed that I had been told the relevant information. I did communicate my apology via text and in person when we dropped off my daughter’s friend for the hassle or worry that us not being back when expected may have caused. I also did take accountability for passing an assumption about the clarity of communication. I just still feel terrible about my role in this situation and will feel awful if my daughter loses a friend.