My older sister was back home for Thanksgiving and we were talking I told her I was going to declutter my room and get rid of a lot of kid stuff I still had.
Then she texted me yesterday about setting aside a teddy bear that used to be hers… which is of course exactly after I got around to cleaning up last weekend. I wanted to offer the bear to my toddler brother but my mom said it’s not in good enough shape so she said to throw it away. I told my sis that and she said I should’ve asked her first and asked me to go get it out of the trash and she would take it when she’s over for Christmas.
I feel bad for my sis but I feel like that’s too much to ask? Like isn’t that going to be nasty? I knew some of my things were from hers but I didn’t know exactly what and I wish she would’ve just said something earlier. We’re a big family so I have a lot of hand-me-downs. But she’s mad at me now and still wants to talk me into it so AITA?
Edit: sorry if I wasn’t clear but the bear is a hand-me-down that I got from my sister when I was young. Our trash goes to a dumpster for the apartments, I’m pretty sure it hasn’t been picked up yet but I’ve never dumpster dived or anything.
YTA – you should have called her AND waited for her to make the decision on whether to throw something out. You and your mom are to blame for sure. AND if there is any way for you to retrieve the bear, go get it.
That depends.
If it’s a personal residence or apartment with bins instead of a large dumpster then kind of?
It isn’t really that hard and the act would have been a great “Christmas gift” and sign of love between siblings.
It isn’t that big of a deal to pull a garbage bag or two out of a bin and look.
YTA
Go get it and then take a shower
It’s not a big deal to open a few trash bags and find before they take your trash away
YYA
If it’s not yours, and it’s not disposable or food you don’t throw it out
Are you ok with this putting distance between you and your sister?
YTA – You threw out something that wasn’t yours. You should have asked first. If the trash is just a bunch of bags with things like stuffies in them, it’s not a big ask to pull that bag.
YTA – “I knew some of my things were from hers” you knowingly threw out her property. You should have put hers in a separate bag for her to go through herself.
Its not her property, thats not how hand me downs work
YTA. If the trash has not yet been picked up by the garbage people it is a small effort from you that will likely bring a lot of joy to your sister. Assuming there was lots of other things (not food) grown out around the same time the trash should not be as gross as you are imagining. Just got to find the right bag to look through.
If yo go to look and the trash has been taken already, well at least your tried and your sister will still appreciate the effort.
Info: just so it is clear, the stuffed animal is yours, correct? You said it USE TO BE hers, and that you got a lot of hand-me-downs. So is this one of those things that was hers, then given to you? Because that makes a huge difference.
I was going to say that if she was so attached to it she should have asked for it before now. But I’m guessing she’s at college and doesn’t have much storage space. If she’s over 25 and has her own place then I’d say N A H.
Both you and your mom are being very dismissive of your sister’s feelings, both now and when she was forced to give up her favorite teddy bear. It probably took her until now to realize and remember that you might still have her teddy bear and that it might get thrown out.
I’d say YTA for throwing it out, but not AH for refusing to dumpster dive. That is, if we are talking about an actual apartment-complex style dumpster. If the reality is looking through a few bags of your own family’s trash, then I feel that is something you could at least attempt. Assuming you did a fair amount of decluttering, odds are the teddy bear is in a bag with other junk, and not spoiled food or used pull-ups.
Why is everyone here missing the fact that the bear was OPs not sisters?
It will take you less than 10 minutes to get it from the trash. Then, wash your hands. Put the bear in a mesh bag and throw it in the wash.
In the amount of time it took you to post and read comments, you could have retrieved it—it’s truly no big deal.
It’s been a week since it was thrown out at an apartment complex dumpster. That’s not going to take 10 minutes.
My aunt burned my childhood stuffed animal, it’s been decades and I’ll never forgive her for that.
YTA
Wear gloves, wash your hands, but get it back.