I’m 25F and getting married later this year. My fiance and I are paying for about 80% of the wedding ourselves. My parents offered a their contribution, which we appreciate.
We’re having a smaller venue and already had to cut down our list to close friends and immediate family. It wasn’t easy.
Now my mom is asking for 4 additional invites for relatives I barely talk to. One of them is a cousin who openly mocked me at a previous family gathering and tends to make passive aggressive comments.
I told her we simply don’t have space and that we prioritized people who are actively in our lives. She said that since they’re contributing financially, they should get some say in who attends.
I offered to return their contribution if it means we can keep the guest list as it is but now she says I’m being disrespectful.
I don’t want any family tension but I also don’t want “strangers” at my wedding just to keep appearances. Because it’s our day, not theirs.
So AITA?
NTA. You offered to give back their contribution and they’re not getting married
NTA it’s your wedding, if your parents want a family reunion they should host that on another day.
NTA The bride and groom always get to veto potential guests, especially if they have treated them rudely in the past. Why does your mother want this mean cousin at your wedding?
NTA
She gave you the reason why you should invite them and you gave a counter proposal.
Question- what exactly is she getting for her contribution (since this is turning out to be transactional)?
NTA. Returning their contribution in order to keep your final say so sounds fair to me.
Absolutely NTA but your mom is…manipulation and control/guilt tripping because of money? I would hand every penny back and keep boundaries. It’s YOUR wedding. Your mom is being disrespectful and quite frankly this kind of manipulative tactic is considered emotional abuse…
NTA
Talk to Dad. Tell him about this demand from Mom. Tell him that it isn’t possible to add more guests, and you won’t be inviting extended family members. Ask if he wants their contribution returned.
NTA- your parents have control issues.
You’re protecting your peace. They are willing to destroy your peace by inviting someone who I’m assuming they know openly mocks you. Those people should NOT be allowed access to your mental health and doing what you need to do to keep yourself healthy. Your parents should understand and respect that.
Maybe try to find another way to rephrase your reasons. If they still fight it, then “No.” is whole sentence. They will learn to respect you more if you stand your ground.
NTA. My sister didn’t invite all the people my mom wanted her to invite and she hasn’t regretted the choice in the ten years since the wedding. It’s YOUR wedding. Let your mom throw a party and get everyone together.
>I told her we simply don’t have space and that we prioritized people who are actively in our lives
That’s the only reason you need.
It’s your wedding, not your mother’s.
>I offered to return their contribution if it means we can keep the guest list as it is but now she says I’m being disrespectful.
Return it anyway. It wasn’t a gift, to her it was 20% ownership of rights.
NTA
NTA. Your mom needs to accept that:
1. These guests aren’t as important to you as they are to her.
2. This is not her wedding
3. Her financial contributions don’t give her the right to dictate decisions regarding your wedding
NTA.
I’d pay her back the money and be done with it. Stop asking, just hand her an envelope with the money.
She’s using the money as a way to try and have control over the situation – and I’d personally rather be disrespectful than disrespected, especially at my own wedding.
No. It’s your wedding. Do what you want, because hopefully you only do it once.
“Was your contribution a gift, or an obligation? I appreciate a gift. I do not appreciate an obligation. Here’s your money back.”