I (30F) have a niece (8) and nephew (11) from my sister (33F). My nephew is into boxing for the past year and a half and has had a couple of chances at having matches over the time but nothing ever happened for various reasons. He now has a confirmed first match ever, and it’s on a Saturday but the time is unknown (I am told its how these tournaments go so it can be anytime), but the match is in a town 2 hours drive away (one way).
My wife and I initially wanted to go to offer support, but it was unknown until today if he would even debute on the tournament, and today it was confirmed he would but unknown when, which would mean that we would have to go in the morning for a 2 hour drive, wait around to watch the match, and drive 2 hours back, basically spending the whole day there. As this was also at the last minute with an unknown schedule, and we also have 2 dogs that would require us to find someone to stop by to be with them (one is a 4 year old rescue we just got less then a month ago so they can’t stay alone for long), I told my sister we actually won’t be going.
She asked me why, and I explained the above, and she said, well what’s the big deal it’s Saturday, you’re not working as is.
Whether we are working or not is irrelevant for me, as even though I really want to support my nephew, and we have always done so in the past whenever they had violin recitiles, or whatever events, I don’t want to spend a whole day ‘waiting around’ and driving for one match when I am sure there will be more in the future.
I explained this to her and also said that it’s not like it’s a World Cup of matches, there will be hopefully more, she lost her mind yelling calling me selfish and that I am only thinking of myself and not doing anything for them. This is where I lost it and told her they are acting very ungrateful and entitled, thinking everything should be expected of us, and that she is erasing everything we are doing for them by implying we are selfish for not doing this one thing.
NTA. A four hour round trip is a heavy lift for a lot of things, especially a four hour trip to wait around all day
NTA. He’s not your kid and you are not required to attend all their events, even if they were in town. Heck, many parents don’t make it to all their kid’s events.
Your sister wants to have a big cheering section and doesn’t want to be by herself. Do what is best for you.
Tough position to be in. You want to support them but you don’t want to possibly waste a entire day for something that will take a few minutes at most. NTA though if you want to bail.
NTA – that is an unrealistic expectation from her. It’s great to support and you should when you can, but driving two hours to spend your entire day waiting for a match at an unknown time is not realistic for most people. A local match would be a different story. As a parent, she signed up for this travel commitment, not you.
As an aunt to many nieces and nephews, your sister is being unreasonable. You aren’t the asshole. I go to all my nieces and nephews baseball games, and basketball games. Half of them are in wrestling and none of the matches are close by. I don’t attend the matches because of how far we have to drive and I’m not arranging for my kids to be watched all day nor am I waking them up that early to spend all day walking around. We attend things we have a definite time but not the all day things we get to watch them participate in sometimes for 5 mins. Maybe that’s cold and harsh but my sister has never pressured us into going nor made us feel guilty about not going. Also you said you go to their other activities so I fail to see the problem?
We really do attend anything and everything, even taking time outside of work to attend certain things when possible. When he was into football we went to games, then he was into balling, we went to that too, now it’s boxing, and as he didn’t have matches we attended a few training sessions, but I am really hoping there will be more matches in the future with different ‘circumstances’ that we can see, if he doesn’t give it up of course
NTA sounds like you have a full schedule with your dogs. Is there a dog park near the tournament? Maybe the pups would like the outing and you can occupy your time waiting with your dogs. If not, give your nephew a call afterwards and let him tell you all about it. Either way, your weekend time is limited and best spent living your life.
NTA. I would never expect anyone else to need to need to attend my kid’s sporting events. If they go—great! But no biggie if they can’t.
NTA… You have no obligation to attend any event. If you do want to go, wait for a closer event, or ask her to live stream it. What if you did go, and he gets knocked out, a TKO, or some other event that ends the fight early. That is a long drive for less than 3 minutes.
We have 2 small dogs that are our babies. If they can’t go, we don’t go.
I had 3 nieces and nephews that participated in almost everything. I attended 1 event for each of them. The event was my choice. I chose the event that was the easiest for me. I made sure it was an event where I could slide in just before they started and leave after they were finished. That satisfied my requirements as their uncle. I didn’t attend anything for the simple reason that I didn’t want to.
NTA. You’re offering too many explanations.
Be calm, matter of fact, and explain that due to the shortness of notice, you’re unable to attend. Thank her for the invitation, promise to attend if there is something closer to home and with that adequate notice.
If she pushes, tell her it just won’t work this time. She will find an excuse or a solution for anything you offer.
So don’t.
If she persists, tell her you have talked about it, you’re disappointed that you can’t make it, you’re going to try to make it next time, but you’ll need more notice. If she still persists, tell her you’ve already explained yourself and you’re not going to discuss it again and hang up.
I appreciate how parents are so into their kids sports. That support from a parent is so important. It wears me out when people expect the world to come to a complete stop for their kid.
I went to soccer games for my nephews, baseball games for them, and karate tournaments, because I had no choice. We had traveled from a distance and my parents wanted to go.
My brother took me to task for not paying attention and not cheering when everyone else cheered. I explained that I cannot see what’s going on. I don’t understand the game. I can’t tell one player from another. But I’m there.
I also brought my knitting.
Make an effort to go to the next one when it’s closer to home. Your sister is asking too much.
Nta I just dont understand when people think aunts and uncles owe the nieces and nephews there time. Not your child. Not your responsibility or obligation.
Expecting you to commit to that is totally unreasonable. Supporting family is one thing, but burning an entire day on a four-hour round trip for a match with no set start time is a big ask. If the game were just down the street, it’d be a different conversation. She’s the one who signed up for the ‘travel parent’ lifestyle, not you. NTA