My 18th birthday is in 3 days and I (17M) decided to celebrate with all of my friends by going out for dinner. I just found out this friend (17F) has payed for an expensive gift they are all buying me together as a group and it made me feel bad, because she’s the only one that’s not invited. The reason i did not invite her was because she got into a relationship with someone that just spews negativity at me for no reason and she doesn’t mind it at all. She has also randomly blocked me on social media for no reason and doesn’t care to explain, making it very awkward. We were recently all together at a guest house and i found out her boyfriend and brother wanted to “prank” me by getting in my bed naked while i was sleeping, which disturbed me a lot, especially because she saw nothing wrong with it. We used to be really good friends, but ever since these things have happened I’m really confused on how i feel about her and i don’t know what to do. Am I the asshole for not inviting her?
NTA
It’s completely up to you. Extend an invitation if it makes you feel better, but there’s nothing wrong about not inviting her at all given what she allowed her bf to do.
Maybe she is using the gift as a way to buy your friendship back. In any case you should make that decision freely. And maybe have a chat with her about boundaries. Your friendship is not for sale!
If the issue with the friend stopped at the level of tolerating the BF “spewing negativity,” it’s possible that this approach could help the friend see reason. But the plan for two young men to get into bed naked with a sleeping young woman as a prank, and the friend apparently endorsing this, is so very far over the line that I doubt the friendship is salvageable. How can a friend actually think that something so traumatic and assaultive is a cute prank? I suspect the OP is much better off (and safer) without her.
Hi! I’m actually a male, and i’m pretty sure they wanted to do it as a way to make fun of the fact i’m queer.
Yep. That’s still very much sexual assault. What a fun joke.
NTA
Letting 2 naked guys climb into your bed while yourre asleep is not a prank , it actually sounds like they were gonna sexually assault you. Thats not a friend.
You don’t need that friendship in your life, i can’t believe she doesn’t see the danger in what her boyfriend was going to do. You would be right to call the police if that happened.
NTA. She’s not even your friend at that point.
I wouldn’t call that a friend. If she, or anyone else, brings up her lack of invite, I would just tell them this your milestone birthday with only close friends and she blocked you on social media so you really aren’t that close. If they press, I’d tell them you don’t feel comfortable after her letting her boyfriend into bed with you. You deserve better.
Honestly, personally, I’d be side eyeing anyone that still wants to be friends with her, or spend time with her, after all that. I’m really sorry they did that. It’s despicable behavior. I’m glad you didn’t invite her! NTA
um shes not your friend she let her boyfriend and brother sexually harass you???
NTA.
Babe, that isn’t a “friend”.
Also, it is *extremely* concerning how much she enables her boyfriend and his awful decisions/attitude. Accept the expensive gift. She is the one who both decided to pay for it in its entirety despite it having been a group gift *and* she is the one who is choosing her boyfriend over your safety and wellbeing.
And, anybody who would look at a photo of 2 naked men laying in bed with a sleeping woman and didnt find it incredibly disturbing is not someone you want to be around. It isnt funny or cute or a joke.
NTA.
1. It’s your birthday party, it’s okay not to invite who you don’t want there.
2. Her paying for part of a gift shouldn’t buy forgiveness for horrible things she did/allow to be done to you.
NTA. It’s your birthday, you decide for it. Always choose for your peace.