So I (17)F have a large group of freinds that consists of around 15 people that are all around my age, 16-18 years old, and we often will go to peoples houses and hang out and the stay the night, as the main hangout spot is about a 15 minute drive and a 45 minute walk away from most of the groups houses and none of us have our driving licence yet. Recently we have been having more hangouts and more staying over at the main hangout spot which i happen to only live about a 5 minute walk away from, i dont really like staying over at other peoples houses and will only ever do so if it is necessary or i dont want fomo but i usually will just walk home at around 12-1am and let myself in with my front door key. Yesterday I was about to go home and was saying goodbye to everyone and as i went to say goodbye to one of my freinds i will call Penny (not real name) 17F she asked if she could come with me and stay at mine. Now i was super confused as me and penny arent very close and in the past have had some arguments and i dont personally like her so i asked her "oh probably not why?" and she seemed very put out by me saying "probably not" I have a few reasons for this and when i saw she was annoyed i told her why it was a probable no:
\- i dont think my parents would be happy with someone staying over, as we are in the process of moving
\- she is scared of cats and i have two, that are both clingy and very loving and sleep in my room every night
\- i really dont like sleepovers as i have a very specific nighttime routine as i commonly get nightmares and sleep paralysis
\- she had a double bed at the hangout spot that she was welcome too
She still seemed annoyed so i apologised about it but she had turned her back on me and wasnt speaking to me, so i turned around and left. Today i got a message from her that i will copy and paste here: "idk why u wouldnt let me stay over last night kinda proves u dont like me but ok"
I then decided to ring her to sort it out and maybe apologise but she just kept arguing with everything i had to say, even going as far as saying i could of hid it from my parents that she was staying over and that i could of just shut my cats out of my room. No way was i ever going to do any of that in a million years and when i said this she started crying over the phone and hung up on me. I spoke to my best freind, who also happens to be the hangout spot host and she said that while it was weird of her to ask to sleepover at mine i should of just let her, to keep the peace. And now i kinda agree as she has been telling the group that im selfish for not letting her sleepover??
AITA??
NTA, she sprung this on you and you have so much going. Additionally, you got cats and she is scared of them. You are justified in refusing her.
NTA by far. And it’s not your house it’s your parents one and without their consent, sleepover isn’t doable.
NTA and she isn’t a friend. You’re 17. It isn’t even your house, it’s your parents’. If they likely wouldn’t have been okay with it, it doesn’t even matter what you preferred because it’s up to them who stays in their house. To be clear, though, even if they were okay with a last minute random friend staying the night, if you don’t wanna have a sleepover, you don’t have to. Full stop. No is a complete sentence.
If my daughter were in the same situation, I hope she would do the same. Don’t let people manipulate you into situations you aren’t comfortable with. NTA
NTA. You are not required to allow someone to stay at your parents’ house, especially someone that you are not the close to and it wasn’t discussed with your parents in advance.
I’m curious. Where do you live that no one in the whole group of 15 kids that are 16-18 years has a driver’s license? When I was growing up, I knew one person that didn’t have their license by 16? I had a license where I could drive without an adult in the car from 6am to 8pm at age 14. It blows my mind that no one has a license.
She sounds shady and not like someone you would want at your house. Worst case she did this on purpose to try to make you look bad to everyone else maybe trying to get you out of the group. Best case she’s overly sensitive or something like that in which case she’ll get over it. Definitely ntah you did the smart thing keep this girl at arms length or further. Also tell your close friend that she should give better advice it’s not on you to keep the peace you’re not the one being dramatic and manipulating people to get your way and making them uncomfortable is not something anyone should let happen to keep the peace ever.
You are NTA for refusing her, but for her to ask so suddenly and get so mad about it makes me wonder if something happened to her at one of these sleepovers. Did someone hurt her but she feels shame/responsible and doesn’t want to tell anyone? Does she live too far away to go home and your house seems like only safe option for getting sleep as well as still getting to hang out with friends? Asking you might have felt very vulnerable to her and you blowing her off was probably a shock. It sounds like she needs to talk to someone (not necessarily something you need to take responsibility for). Maybe you could offer her a little grace in the meantime by not escalating things further and encouraging other female friends to ask her what is going on.