My roommate and I (both f22) are from the same hometown and share an apartment but have separate rooms. This weekend there was a party that our 4 hometown friends drove up for. All 4 of these girls are closer with my roommate than they are with me, mostly because I choose to keep my distance because of how they act in certain circumstances but also because they’ve known each other longer.
I wasn’t able to stay for the party and had to come back down home and my roommate brought up the fact that she wanted 2 of the girls to take my bedroom so she could share hers with the other 2. I explained that I’m extremely germaphobic and I don’t want anyone in my room while I’m not there and she clapped back with “then how come when ur friends visit they sleep in ur bed.” To be fair, it is somewhat of a valid argument but the reason I let my friends sleep in my bed is because 1. I’m there and 2. It’s not after a party when they’re musty and sweaty. I tried explaining this to her and she brushed it off, but then went and told the 4 girls that I’m too grossed out to let them use my bedroom so they’re all going to have to cram together. I had told her beforehand to let the girls know to bring an air mattress (which I knew they had) and I believe one of them had brought it with her so there wasn’t an issue of fitting it was just a lack of “comfort.”
Now all of them have turned against me and are treating me like I’m dramatic and fake because I was too “grossed out” by them to let them use my bedroom. Aside from the fact that I didn’t want them in my bed, I have a ton of valuables in my room and a million fragile things that I don’t want drunk girls around. Overall I just REALLY didn’t want anyone in my room while I was there.
Side note, I know that even though I expressed this they went into my room anyways to use my mirror for makeup but I chose to brush that off.
My point is, everyone’s treating me like I’m a fake friend and have been giving me silent treatment since then and I don’t understand if I was being dramatic and fake.
AITA for not letting them use my room?
Edit: thank you for all the replies! I appreciate everyone’s opinion
NTA. Your bedroom, your rules. I’d have locked it before I left.
My door doesn’t have a lock unfortunately
Ask your landlord to install one.
*Yet 😉
NTA. No is a complete sentence. You are under no obligation to let anyone stay in your room when you’re not there. It’s your private space.
NTA
your room, your rules. thats it. youre paying for the room so you get final say in what happens to it even when you arent there.
NTA. It’s your room and your choice.
Your big mistake was explaining in a way that could be argued with. “It’s my room, not a motel. Nobody sleeps in there if I’m not present.”
NTA; you pay rent, it’s your room, it’s your stuff. It goes beyond germaphobia.
If something goes missing, and you try to find out if someone stole from you, your “friends” will turn against you for thinking they’re thieves.
What if something breaks? Something gets stained, etc.
You set a boundary about something you’re uncomfortable about. No matter what they were going to turn against you like this.
NTA, if you don’t really care for this friendship I would just lock your door or ask the landlord if they can install or if they will permit you to install. Let her know that was uncalled for and you have a right to space and privacy.
Or offer your friends her bed and see how she reacts. Then tell her to stop being fake and dramatic.
Regardless this is the end of your nice roommate and you should get ready to leave after the lease is up.
NTA. There’s no reason for these girls to feel entitled to sleep in your bed. The cheek!
You’re NTA, but you had to have known this would happen. I would’ve just said you don’t like people in your room when you’re not there vs. the cleanliness angle.
NTA. It doesn’t matter if you are what your reason is. “No” is a complete sentence and you don’t owe them an explanation.
NTA. I wouldn’t want anyone in my room either. What if they have sticky fingers? What if they break something? I don’t want anyone rifling through my drawers. You’re perfectly within your rights. The “friends” sound very immature to be bothered with this. Write them off.
NTA. Get a lock for your bedroom door. Doorknobs with them are easy to install. I wouldn’t want people in my room when I’m not there either. Now that you know how your roommate treats you, hope you realize she is not a friend at all and you do not continue to room with her after the lease is up.