edit: sara is in clubs and already talks to a counselor, who basicallly gave the same advice of put herself out there
the friend group fell apart because of boy drama
edit2: people keep asking why she doesn’t want Sara to join. The answer is she doesn’t want to be the twin package anymore. She wants her own friend, she wants to be independent.
i can’t force them to sit together because that would make resentment. I can give a conversation about empathy witch i will do but it will not be a guilt trip becuase she Is allowed to say no to sitting with someone.
Maybe sit with her once and while at lunch would be good
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This is about my two girls ( twins) that are in freshman year of high school. I will call them Sara and Mia. During elementary school they were basically always together. Middle school Mia started to feel resentment about always being with Sara so the school tried to split them up as much as possible. This was hard because the classes were not big. I made it a point to have activities that were just there own.
Mia got really into sport and Sara into theater. This seemed to help and we did more seperating. They got their own birthday parties and not a shared one for example. Mia really thrived with this but Sara did not. It has been a lot harder for Sara to be her own person ( Mia was always the dominate twin when they were together)
High school was a big change and for the first time they were completely separate, no shared classes. Sara has been having difficulties and it got worse this past month. The friend group she was hanging out with broke up and she has been sitting alone at lunch.
Sara asked Mia to sit together with her friend group at lunch and Mia told her no. This resulted in in a big fight between the two. Mia point was these were her friends and Sara need to learn to make her own and basically not piggyback off Mia. Sara point was they were twins and she is sad sitting alone.
I told Sara very gently that Mai doesn’t have to sit with her at lunch and encouraged her to keep trying to make friends, and basically put herself back out there
Sara has been crying since and my ex is giving me an earful. I don’t know if I made the right call on this
NAH
I’m a twin (M/F) and it’s very easy to get lumped in with your sibling and not have your own identity beyond “twinning”. It is 100% the right call to allow Mia to establish independence and encourage it in Sara.
**But**, I do also think there is something to be said in fostering some kindness and empathy between siblings when they’re struggling, especially at an age that’s notoriously difficult. Mia doesn’t *have* to let Sara sit with her at lunch, but she probably could’ve gone and sat with Sara to help make that day a bit easier.