My mom died when I (16f) was a baby. My aunt (my mom’s sister) stepped in and became like a 2nd mom to me. When I was 8 she moved for work so I went from seeing her every day to her flying me out 1-2 times a month plus 1 week of winter break, spring break, and 50/50 over the summer.
When I was 12 my dad married Judy and they kept saying she was my new mom and I don’t need to keep visiting my aunt because I have Judy. He also gave my room to Judy’s kids since it was bigger and I refused to share and told my aunt that they decided that I couldn’t fly alone so she either had to fly out to get me or drive all day there and back.
I decided to stay with my aunt a few months after my dad married Judy because it was pretty obvious that he cared about his new family more than me.
My dad and Judy are getting divorced now because Judy cheated on him and he found out that their new kids weren’t his. He called me and asked me to move back home because he misses me and he doesn’t have any family left. I said no because I like it here. My aunt is a way better parent than my dad was and she’s been dating this guy that comes over on weekends and makes us the best burgers and steaks and he fixes cars up as a hobby/side job so he’s working on one for me. I also really like my school and I have friends here and were really close to a lot of good colleges so I probably won’t even have to move out for college.
My dad and his side of the family are upset that I won’t move back because he’s my dad and he needs me but he’s the one that chose his new family over me and them getting divorced isn’t my problem to solve. I don’t really plan to change my mind but I want to know if me refusing to move back makes me an asshole.
NTA, your dad sucks. You don’t owe him anything
NTA
Convenient how you were disposed of like yesterday’s trash when he didn’t want you around.
Dad’s an asshole. He’s now entering the extended FO phase after having FA’d for far too long.
NTA He choose his new family over you over and over, and now that he’s alone, oh no he misses you… Why do you have to uproot your life for him? Nuh uh he can go and see you at your aunt place if he wants…
NTA. who’s to say he won’t do the same for another woman he starts to date? protect your peace and happiness 🩷
NTA. It’s a trap. Listen to your instincts. You are not your dad’s emotional soundboard or support item. Let one of the upset family members come to coddle him.
Enjoy your time with your aunt and don’t let him guilt you.
NTA and this is so hard for you. Invite him to move closer to you and his family every time he says he wants to be closer. If he really wanted he would work it out. Tell him he needs to sacrifice for you this time.
NTA at all. Tell him that you can’t/don’t want to leave your school. A good parent would understand that value in keeping you in the same school you’re happy in. I wouldn’t move back in either. You’re moving on with your life in a positive way. It’s not worth changing that. Your dad is incredibly selfish. Plus, it’s pretty terrible how he essentially abandoned you and now that he’s getting divorced you’re supposed to uproot your entire life for him. If that side of the family can’t understand that, you don’t need them either.
Seriously, I’ve learned this the hard way – when you have something you like/love and are doing well with life in general, don’t mess it up and change things needlessly.
If he wasn’t getting a divorce, would he be wanting to make amends and have you in his life? Or is it just about him and the fact that he now has no one? What happens if he gets into a new relationship???
I think we all know the answers to the above questions. You are NTA.
Even if you guys had a great relationship and he was a great parent…. It is not a child’s job to regulate their parent’s emotions. It’s extremely unfair for your dad and his family to guilt you by saying he “needs” you
NTA
Ask them where he was when you needed him? That’s the way parenting works not the other way around.
NTA
It’s always particularly irritating when some entitled AH puff up with a “How dare you choose someone else over me when I repeatedly chose other people over you.”
Familial or romantic relationships both have people with this issue. Surprise! Consequences!
NTA. You are not your father’s emotional support animal. He doesn’t get to ignore your feelings for months & then snap his fingers & you’ll jump up like a pet.
Tell him actions have consequences & he showed you how important you are to him. Tell him thank you for that lesson.
NTA – I’d be concerned that he just wants a woman to do all the emotional/mental/physical labour in the house. Do not get sucked into doing that. You have a stable life where you are now. If your aunt wants you to stay, then stay.
If he needed you so badly, he should have thought of that when he decided to deprioritize you in favour of Judy’s kids. He made his choices, and now needs to live with the consequences.
NTA you’re not his emotional support animal