I’m just going to answer qeustions up here
Another question: why don’t Cindy parent pay for it- they are the type of parent that don’t give money for wedding ( yes they will be there). big on if you are old enough to get married then you should pay for it people
Since I am seeing this a lot Cindy has been to many events with kids. She even babysat before. She personally doesn’t want children but has been fine around kids before.
Did other kids have issues with the rules? Only my middle son/Dil. They wanted an Italy wedding but decided against it after I informed them i wouldn’t pay
They can still do a child free wedding of they want, just means they wont get 50k-100k from me. They will need to pay for it themselves
—————-
My wife and I have always told all of our kids that we will be willing to pay for their wedding if they follow a few rules
* All family has to be invited ( exceptions if something major happened )
* The wedding can not be a destination wedding (if all your guest need to get on a plane basically and leave the country )
* immediate family gets a plus one even if they are not dating someone
Overall the rules are not that hard to follow in my opinion. My daughter (31F) is marrying Cindy ( 34F) and they have picked out a venue and are working on the guest list. They both know the rules if they want me to pay.
My daughter informed me yesterday that the wedding will be child free. I told her that goes against one of the rules of me paying. That all family must be invited ( yes that includes the kids)
We had a sit down conversation where she tried to convince me to still pay even if it was child free. She wants it to be child free becuase she wants it to be an elegant event and her Cindy doesn’t like kids that much becuase she experienced parentification as a kid.
I told her ri would think about and my decision was no. I informed both of them and in short they are quite mad.
I made it clear that they can do that type of wedding if they want but I just won’t be paying for it
My daughter is pissed and saying it is unfair that because he siblings did get a free wedding. I pointed out that they followed my rules on this.
Everyone is pissed basically.
NTA
Kids are not entitled for their parent to pay for their wedding
If you have conditions then you have conditions ( you are the one dropping 50k or more)
These aren’t crazy either.
If they don’t want to follow them then they can pay for their own wedding
NTA. It is your money, and if all of your other kids followed the rules you laid out, then she too should.
Clear NTA, she knew the rules going in. She has to decide what’s more important to her, a dream wedding or a paid for wedding, because she can’t have both. It’s possible her siblings also made compromises they didn’t want to make in order to have their weddings paid for so it would be unfair to twist the rules for the last sibling. (Take the asshole votes you’ll get with a grain of salt, Reddit hates kids.)
OP didn’t say, but likely the other two siblings also had some heartburn with the rules, because let’s face it, people are people and there’s always some relative who you’d rather not see or deal with on your day. If it was that drunk uncle, crazy aunt, screaming kids, whatever, the other two siblings chose to use dad’s money to pay for the wedding over making other choices. Third daughter wants it both ways, the money and different rules, which sounds kind of entitled to me.
NTA You gave all your kids the same talk and the same rules… they still apply.
*technically* NTA but I think you’re making the wrong decision
Yeah. This is kind of a, “you’re not wrong, you’re just an asshole” situation. Yes, he laid down rules, but child-free weddings aren’t totally out-of-the norm. It’s not like she’s refusing to invite a sister or something.
OP can stand his ground, but I can see it damaging his relationship with his daughter going forward. His choice.
I don’t know how many of you guys realize that excluding children from weddings also often excludes their mothers. Not everyone has reliable access to childcare, especially at a wedding where all the family are already invited. NTA, most of us paid for our own weddings and are fine, it’s nice of you to pay any at all.
I am a mother who has missed child free weddings before for this reason and I have always been disappointed I missed out. It’s not a nice feeling, however, if someone needs to be disappointed/unhappy it shouldn’t be the brides! I would rather not go than bring my children somewhere they aren’t welcome and worse unknowingly upset the couple on their happy day.
I don’t think you are THE asshole in this situation. But I do think you sound like AN asshole.
Underrated comment. The rules are the rules and no one owes them the money, but prioritizing the guests over the marrying couples’ wishes is an AH thing to do.
Also giving monetary gifts to your children with conditions attached is a yikes from me.
Why is everyone so entitled to 50k to 100k…. Pay for the wedding yourself
Nowhere did op say this was a gift
Also 50k-100k will have strings…
It’s more like a mini contract than anything
Op is nice to even offer, most people don’t get there wedding paid for at all
You’re allowed to have whatever rules you want, but don’t be surprised if your daughter goes low contact after this or even if you don’t get a wedding invitation.
It’s such a weird hill to die on. Don’t you want your daughter to have the wedding she wants? Don’t you want to welcome your future daughter-in-law?
I guess you need to decide which is more important to you: having children at the wedding or supporting your own child. She’s asking for something reasonable, so while you are perfectly allowed to decline to pay, there’s no way it won’t cause a rift.
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