Hello! First time posting here so might be a bit confusing.. sorry!
I applied to university this last Friday, to give a bit of context I’m applying to a preuniversity program, meaning that while I have to write a acceptance essay it doesn’t necessarily mean that it will be taken into full account, according to what I’ve been told. I was with my dad for the last week and he helped by proofreading my essay, he thought it was very good and I trust his opinion since he’s a very frank person when it comes to things like this. My mom came back from a business trip yesterday and she blew up at me and my dad since we didn’t have her look at the essay before I sent my application in. She screamed for 45 minutes, finishing her spiel with things like ‘If this is how much you want me to be involved then that’s all I’ll do starting today’. Frankly, I’m very worried for what this will do to our relationship, me and my mother have never had a solid relationship and she’s always been very quick to anger and hold a grudge these last couple of years I’ve worked very hard on our relationship and I’m afraid it’s changed it forever. Was I really wrong to not involve her? She’s never been involved in much of my schoolwork and she spent the whole time period during which I was writing my essay complaining about how busy she was..
Any sort of advice is very appreciated!!
>She screamed for 45 minutes
Your mom needs an intervention.
NTA
NTA, you’re an adult and it’s your essay. She’s not entitled to be shown anything, especially if she’s gonna complain about being busy while you do your schoolwork, then scream at you for 45 minutes for not involving her.
NTA. Your mother is emotionally abusing you. She seems like a controlling freak with bad anger issues. You are old enough to apply for this program, you are old enough to write your own essay. Screaming for 45 mins is unhinged. What did your father do? You should have walked away instead of taking her abuse. If this is how she treats you, you shouldn’t want to have a relationship with her, honey. She has some mental health issues she needs to get treatment for. I’m so sorry she is treating you like this. It is not healthy. This is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Please know that.
I mean… I get why you don’t have much of a relationship. She doesn’t sound like a very good mother and it sounds like the issue is compounded by her taking out her guilt/entitlement on you.
NTA
NTA, your mother is the one overreacting, now I don’t know her like you do but you say she’s been quick to anger, does she usually react this way when she feels left out? She had this reaction for a reason, the confusing part is figuring that out. Yk, is it because she feel she got left out of something important to you? Because she’s taking out her work trip frustrations on you? Because she just has anger issues? There’s a lot of possibilities, if you think your mom would react well to it then maybe having a conversation to figure out where she’s coming from may help. If you don’t think that’d end well, then I’d start considering if you truly want a relationship with her and how that would affect you overtime
NTA for sure. honestly it sounds like maybe your mom is having trouble emotionally with the fact that you’re leaving, or maybe she’s troubled by the fact that you leaving the nest means she’ll have less control over you. either way this was an emotional overreaction on her part. i’d only say TA if you had agreed with her prior to this to show her the essay before submitting it, but unless you made a commitment like that then you’re for sure not the asshole.
NTA, she thinks yelling at you will get you to share more things with her, but it’ll have the opposite effect. Why would you want to go to someone for help who blows up for 45 minutes?
NTA. Wow, your mother really overreacted! She could have just said she was disappointed not to be included, but instead chose to go into a Chernobyl-level meltdown.
NTA and you shouldn’t be listening to her yelling. Next time tell her you can discuss this when she’s able to discuss it calmly. Make sure to keep your voice calm and then leave. And if she can’t hear you because of her yelling that’s a her problem. If she mentions not hearing you suggest she stop being verbally abusive and have conversations. Scream time is a solo activity.
Nta
NTA that was an overreaction. holy cow. don’t feel bad but are you sure about this relationship?
You’re NTA. I hope for your sake the University is far away and you can get a summer job to keep you from going home too often.
You’re going to love going away for college.
NTA