So me (22M) and my sister (24F) lost our father when I was 9 years old. My father was the middle child of 3 children, my paternal grandfather passed away before I was even born and my grandma was diagnosed with schizophrenia a few years before my grandfather passed away. My eldest uncle moved away abroad with his family and the younger uncle also moved away to a different city so the responsibility to take care of her pretty much fell on my father’s shoulder, we were never spiteful about it, they did provide financial assistance for our grandma so we basically lived in out grandparents home without paying rent.
When my father passed away, our family fell on financially unfavorable conditions, the people from that side of the family including my father’s brothers came for a few days to show moral support but beyond that nobody extended any sort of help towards us, they decided to relocate my grandma to a care home and we were basically left on our own. My mother is a prideful woman, she never asked them for help neither did she create any sort of bad blood between them, she simply took us and decided to raise us on her own with the assistance of my maternal grandma. The elder brother kept in contact with us for a few years after that but we soon stopped interacting all together, the younger brother didn’t even bother with that.
It’s been 13 years since then, we have had basically zero contact with them ever since, I’m supposed to have 2 cousins similar to me in age whom I have vague memories of but beyond that they’re complete strangers to me. A few weeks ago out of nowhere my eldest uncle from abroad sent a friend of his to come looking for us, I don’t know how he managed to find our address but he basically sent him to rely a message . Basically they’re coming back to the country for a few weeks for some important event and said that his children (the 2 cousins I mentioned) really wanted to reconnect with me and my sister and he also got my mother’s contact info via his friend. He even offered financial assistance to my Mom but after 13 years that offer feels a bit too late and franky my mom found that a bit insulting.
Ever since then he’s been regularly messaging us, he basically wants to do this thing where everyone from that side of the family comes together for a family gathering. Both me and my sister expressed that we have no desire to meet them because they’re complete strangers to us and it’d be quite awkward for us.and my mother carries a similar opinion so she made an excuse, basically a barely disguised message our unwillingness and he accepted that but now wants us to give me and my sister’s contact info to his kids to keep in regular touch. This time we straight up refused it instead of making an excuse. It’s not ouf spite and sourness, we quite literally do not hold any feelings towards them whether it’s hatred or affection, we are complete strangers and it just feels awkward. AITAH here? We just want be left alone.
The 3000 word constraint led me to ommit some non important details but something to note is.
• We already weren’t too much in contact before my father’s death, my uncle was abroad before I even gained memories and I only ever have 1 memory of them coming to visit us.
• Similar case with the younger brother, contact was very rare, I only remember meeting him 3-4 times in my life.
• the younger brother took over the house we lived in and turned it into a rental property last I heard and we’ve never seen a penny from it. My mother never fought for it as she was in a position where she had to focus on raising us and she also doesn’t have much sense of entitlement since she always considered that we had been kind of freeloading off of that house. I beg to differ tho, considering it was a house that belonged to my grandparents, my father had just as much of a claim over it as the rest of the brothers but that’s an opinion I’ve always kept to myself.
Maybe they need you to sign over the house
This was also my thought.
Someone is going to benefit from this “FaMiLeEeEEeee” gathering of the clans, and news flash. It ***won’t*** be in OP’s/OP’s family’s favor. Honestly, if this were me, I would just flat out tell the uncle to cut the shit and state what it is they want. [Ain’t nobody got time for dog and pony show](https://tenor.com/view/notice-damn-aint-nobody-got-time-for-that-gif-5598517726323784781).
It is very suspicious
Definitely not the asshole!
My narcissistic alcoholic father was in my life minimally up until I was 28, unfortunately. When he divorced my mom over the fakest of reasons
I finally completely cut him off and his toxic family too! I lived with my mother and this asshole my entire life and he was not a good person at all. And his family thought he was a saint. 🤮
Nta. Wonder why the sudden need for his kids to connect with you and your sister? It might be sincere, but reddit has me paranoid. Either way, you don’t owe anyone a relationship if you don’t want that connection.
Same. They want something, and this is their attempt to sweet-talk OP´s family into providing it.
NTA.
They want something.
NTA
Block them all and move on. Your mom is a hero.
NTA. You’re under no obligation to reconnect with people who were basically absent when it mattered. You don’t owe them feelings, contact info, or a relationship just because they suddenly decided they want one. Your choice to stay out of it is completely reasonable. Blood doesn’t automatically mean family if they weren’t there when it counted.
NTA and I would question their motives at this point