My boyfriend (30M) and I (30F) have been together for 3 years and living together for 2. Overall, our relationship has been very good. He has mentioned several times that he plans on proposing within the next year, and we hope to start a family around 2027. He also has a close relationship with his parents, visits them weekly and goes on yearly family holidays with them. I also have a pretty good relationship with his parents as they have always been kind and supportive towards me.
We’ve dreamed of doing a USA RV road trip together next summer. As we are planning to start a family in the coming years, this would probably be our last big trip as a couple. We’re based in the EU, and traveling to the US is very expensive for us, so this is likely a once-in-a-lifetime trip as well.
During Christmas at his parents’ house, the topic of travel came up. When we mentioned our plans, his mother said that traveling through the US had been a dream of hers as well. My boyfriend then asked his parents if they would like to join us, without discussing it beforehand. His mother immediately said yes. I didn’t address it at the moment because I didn’t want to create tension during a family holiday. Later, I shared with my boyfriend that I felt uncomfortable with how the invitation happened and that I would have preferred to be consulted first. He explained that he saw it as a practical solution, since renting an RV is expensive and sharing costs would make the trip more affordable. I told him I needed time to think about it.
After reflecting on it for a week, I still feel uncomfortable about his parents joining us. I had always thought of this trip as a couples experience rather than a family vacation. Given our plans to start a family, this feels like an important opportunity for us to travel together. While I love his parents, spending several weeks together in an RV would involve limited privacy and different travel needs.When I shared this with my boyfriend, he became very emotional and told me he worries this could be one of his parents’ last opportunities for a major trip. They are pushing 80 and would not be able to afford something like this on their own. He wants to spend meaningful time with them and create memories while he still can. While I do understand where he is coming from, this trip was always meant to be a shared dream between the two of us. Being expected to change the entire nature of it after the fact makes me feel as though my wishes and boundaries are secondary.
My boyfriend suggested a compromise: renting a car and staying in hotels instead of an RV. I declined, as the RV experience is a big part of the trip and hotels would be more expensive. At this point, my boyfriend has said that he intends to go on the trip with his parents, whether or not I join. I’m struggling with how to feel about this and what it means for our relationship.
So AITA for sticking to my boundary and not wanting his parents to come?
NTA
I could understand why your boyfriend feels some sort of way over his aging parents, and maybe holiday nostalgia created some sort of an emotional longing and/or panic of their eventual passing; however, this is something you need to talk to your partner about before inviting people, especially to be a part of this presumed confining space.
I would say that this is a very big red flag for the health of your relationship, so communicate clearly and determine what the result will be/want with yourself first, and then with your partner.
His perspective can be understood, but it sounds rather irrational right now with the information you’ve shared.
I suggest clearly communicating how this experience has made you feel, and based off that conversation make some assessments of your relationship.
NTA, he’s shown you how little you an your feelings matter to him, what are you going to do about it?
He didn’t take you into consideration when extending the invitation, he has dismissed and tries to manipulate you when you’ve talked about it (talking about how he’s worried it’ll be their last big trip – that was meant to guilt you into doing what he said). Then, the best bit, he’s still going on the trip with his parents if you don’t go.
Run.
Just pull out of the vacation and let him take his parents.
NTA – I love my husbands parents but when we had been married a few years we went on holiday with them & shared a caravan. It was horrible & it was only a week!
NTA However, your bf has unilaterally made his choice about this trip and it isn’t you. INFO: Is this the first time that your bf has prioritized his parents over you? If so, do not start a family with this man.
Nta. This isn’t a fun trip anymore. It’s 4 people cramped into a small space living out of each other’s pockets. He’s showing you who comes first in his priorities. Your marriage, family, kids would always be second.
Several things to consider, his parents will be in thes space meant for both of you.
They’re elderly and may have medical needs.
You’ll have to be the live in maid for them.
OP your bf overstep big-time
NTA. Your boyfriend was rude to disrespect your trip plans like that and just invite them without asking you. I would have spoken up there and then and said, no, it’s an us trip this time, maybe next time though! Nip that behaviour in the bud, before it gets worse.
I cannot think of anything worse than being stuck on the road in a foreign country with the in-laws for weeks on end and no privacy. I love my in-laws… in manageable doses, not 24-7 for weeks and weeks on end.
ESH why not do both. His parents can join you for some of the trip & then do some as a couple.
He does realise there’ll be no sex during the whole holiday, right? 😂 sounds like mummas boy chose them over you. At least you know how your marriage will be like 👍
NTA. Maybe he can combine them and do a car and hotel trip with his parents just before or just after the RV trip with you. I would not go on this trip with his parents in the RV. It is 100% a different vibe from what you described. You two are not on the same page.
ESH. He should have talked to you about it before inviting you alomg. As someone with aging parents, I can completely understand his desire to give them a once in a lifetime experience when they can still enjoy it.
Where your TA comes in is in yhe absolute inflexibility. You want an RV vacation in the US wirh your boyfriend, now. You are in your early 30ies, you can save up and go in a couple of years. Even if with a kid. He gave an alternative: hotels & car.
NTA. What he did was very inconsiderate to you and you have every right to be upset that he would rather do this trip with his parents than you.
I actually did a cross country drive with my own parents last year. We stayed in hotels although we had looked into RVs. We ended up not going the RV route because we were trying to get through quickly, but it absolutely would have been a different vibe and type of trip to have done so. I also cannot imagine taking an RV trip with my soon-to-be in laws. RVs only have one real bed and you KNOW they’re going to expect to be the ones using it. So you just went from a nice roomy RV with a bed to a cramped four person situation where you’re sleeping in the kitchen every night. Hard pass.
Nta. He dangled a proposal and kids in your face to manipulate u into agreeing to his plan. Be prepared to be the last priority in his life until his parents pass if you decide to marry this dude.