A little context before getting into it: I currently live in my childhood home with my parents. My brother and his family moved about an hour away nearly 10 years ago. When they lived with us, our relationship was really bad – he was verbally abusive toward me, and I constantly had to deal with disrespect and inconvenience from his family.
Once they moved out, things between us improved a lot. However, he never really taught his kids to respect me. Instead, he’s allowed them to treat me more like a sibling – but not in a positive way.
On top of that, he and his wife often speak negatively about me and my other brother in front of their kids. Over time, that’s clearly influenced how the kids speak to and treat us, and they’ve said some pretty disrespectful things.
Now, this year, he wants to move back into town. My neighbor right next door is selling their house, and my brother is set on buying it because it’s identical to my parents’ home. I tried gently suggesting he consider other options, but they’ve decided to move forward with the deal.
I spoke to my parents about how I’m feeling, and they said they’ll support me and back me up if any boundaries are crossed. Still, I’m really anxious about having them so close again. I feel like it’s going to impact our relationship, even though he insists it won’t – and honestly, I don’t trust that.
We’ve already argued about his kids’ behavior. It feels like he doesn’t take seriously how their actions affect others. At the same time, I understand that parenting isn’t easy and sometimes you need support.
I keep trying to tell myself to relax and not overthink it, but I’m getting more anxious. The more he makes comments like “you’re going to have to deal with them” or “this isn’t your house,” the more it builds up. He says he’s joking, but it doesn’t feel like a joke to me – it just makes me more upset. It’s already starting to create tension, and he hasn’t even moved in yet.
At this point, I know there’s not much I can do since they’re likely closing on the house soon. I’ve already tried talking to him about expectations – I just don’t know how to stay calm and not let this escalate.
Has anyone else been in this type of situation? AITA for not wanting them to live next door?
NTA but it doesn’t sound as if your opinion matters here. He’s going to do what he wants to do, and nobody is going to block him. I will suppose you have the option of moving out. I realize that may not be desirable for various possbile reasons, but it is the only option that you actually control yourself.
NTA, but you can’t prohibit him in any way. It’s better to move out.
NTA but there’s really nothing you can do to stop him. If you’re old enough you might just need to be the one to move out.
You’re not an asshole for not wanting him to move next door. But as you say, you have no actual say in the matter.
And your brother is correct, in that, “you’re going to have to deal with them”. That is 100% correct. So, gear up, put on your game face, saddle up, steel yourself, dig in, and don’t take any shit from him or his family. Set the boundaries, match energies, etc etc.
That or move out.
NTA, but you’d be the asshole if you just meekly take whatever BS they throw at you.