So my wife and I got our first pet, and he’s been living with us and sleeping (and shitting more importantly) in our room for 4 months now. The little guy is the best, and clearly loves me because he will never leave my side. That said, she will not allow me to make him sleep outside in the living room. I cannot stand that he tracks litter everywhere, when he shits it stinks for 5 minutes, if he ever has diarrhea he tracks it in our bed, and so far we’ve had to wash sheets at TWO AM 3 times. Even worse? She’s the clean freak in our marriage which means she mops every day, cleans like it’s spring every day, and washes sheets more than clothes.
If the bedroom isn’t nasty, it smells like cleaning chemicals. It’s never just normal in there anymore. Starting tonight, I’m sleeping on the couch until something gives. AITA?
Edit: Important context that people aren’t getting, my fault.
We take care of the place 50/50, cleaning, cooking, laundry. Up until now we did the cat as well. Now that we are disagreeing, I’ve left it to her.
I also just don’t have time for this because I work. All day. Overtime hours. She is unemployed.
I am fine with her not working, this is just a fact for you all as we are not the typical dual income household. I can’t get a bigger bedroom because the litter box is too close. That costs money. She has more time for this because she chooses to be a housewife. I don’t. For those saying I do nothing, would you want to come home from work, clean, cook dinner, then clean up cat litter and wash your sheets before bed? No. This part is not the issue in our marriage. She understands that her taking on a little more than me because she gets to be home all day is fair. We like this.
The problem lies simply in where the cat sleeps and shits. Not who cleans, not who plays games, not anything else. We have had a long time to figure out and be happy with the division of labor in our odd home with only one employed person. Don’t comment on that because that’s not the action to be judged. We’re happy in that department.
Of all places why is the litter tray in your bedroom? That’s gross. The whole thing is disgusting. NTA
Nah this is kind of wild. NTA. You need to set a firm boundary. I’m surprised she as a ‘clean freak’ isn’t also disgusted by cat poop in her bed. Also 4 months is still early enough to get your kitty used to a new sleep space, right? DEF a serious conversation needed here.
NTA but is the cat litter trained? my cats sleep with me on my bed all the time. it took a while to litter train my kitten. once theyre good theyre good but should always have access to their litter box. the litter box should be in a room with open ventilation. he also should not be having diarrhea very often and if he does it often can mean he has worms.
there can also be a problem of the cat meowing outside your door if you dont let him in but for now if theres no issue it would be better for him to sleep in the living room
Op says the cat tracks litter – so I am assuming it is trained, but is using the wrong type of litterbox. For the diarrhea, it sounds like the cat has the wrong type of food as well.
Seriously – nobody likes having diarrhea, its horrible.
NTA but you’re not prepared for your cat. If it’s tracking litter everywhere they make rugs and specific boxes to stop it. If your cat has diarrhea multiple times you need to figure out what’s causing it and eliminate that from its diet. My first guess would be you’re giving your cat milk and contrary to the stereotype, lactose intolerance is common in cats. If it’s not milk he could need a different cat food or even a vet visit. Common diarrhea is not normal in cats. Most cats are litter trained at a default so shitty in the bed is NOT normal cat behavior.
NTA for wanting things to change. I would not have the litter box in the bedroom! Put it in the bathroom or something and get rugs under it or something make specifically to catch litter.
It would be crappy to just shut the cat out of the bedroom, and if you were to do so without moving the box, I guarantee you’ll have pee and poo in random places of the house.
After about a year, I was able to train my cat to only step foot on one blanket which I would put at the very foot of the bed. The cat would jump up and I would reinforce that rule by either pushing him back or picking him up and moving him to the blanket every single time. Then I would give him lots of pets and attention but only when he was on his blanket. It took a while but I was patient and eventually it paid off. He knew that blanket was designated for him and he was to stay on it. It made cleaning up easier and he also understood if I switched out the blanket that the rule still applied. I think people underestimate how trainable cats are, they are smart and develop habits if reinforced regularly. I think you could kick the kitten out until he’s potty trained fully, then train him with the blanket method once he’s a bit more mature. That way you can negotiate with your wife and say it’s not forever, just no sleeping on the bed till he’s slightly more mature and trained.
Get a litterbox that opens on the top & look into the food you’re feeding the cat. If you feed them certain food it will mess up their stomach. Personally I feed my cats nutrigina indoor cat food and it only smells when the litter box is full.
TA. It sounds like you either are not a cat person, or you’re not giving the cat the resources it needs, or both. First, how old is the cat? Diarrhea is not normal. If it’s a kitten, that can happen sometimes. But regardless of the age, it needs to get checked out by a veterinarian. It should not be getting diarrhea. Is it using the litter box or going outside of it? If he’s going outside the litter box, he’s either uncomfortable with the current litter box setup or he feels insecure in his environment and is trying to mark his territory. You can fix those issues with some simple steps. If you’re upset that the poop in the litter box smells for 5 minutes, I mean, that’s just a normal part of having a cat. Maybe don’t be standing near the litter box after he goes? And as far as the litter tracking outside the box, get a pad to go around it and catch the litter. It’s best to leave the litter box uncovered to prevent accidents and to make your cat secure in its territory, but if the smell really bothers you, get a covered litter box.
Cats need different things to feel secure in their territory. Litter boxes are a way for the cat to establish its scent in the house and establish its territory. As a general rule, you should have one litter box per cat plus one extra, so there should be 2 litter boxes in the house. And the boxes should be placed in different rooms in places of emotional importance. Keep the boxes out of your room if you like, but there must be boxes in places where the cat can feel at home.
Cats also need multiple scratching posts or pads, at least one per room. Scratching helps them to establish their territory also, so place the scratching posts throughout.
They also need beds, toys, and things to climb on and hide in. When they get their scent on their toys and beds, etc, they feel at home. Again, at least one such item per room. Think of getting some cat trees that allow your cat to climb, sleep, scratch, and crawl into. Again, it gives them options to explore, feel at home, and get some alone time when needed.
Can’t believe your insight isn’t higher up.
It’s just not normal to know so little about your pet to not be concerned about diarrhea.
I get the inconvenience side of it, but the only time my cat struggled with that I was more concerned than annoyed.
NTA but holy shit put that litter box somewhere other than your bedroom, and get one of those mats that goes under it to catch spare litter.
You need to move the litter box from the bedroom my
Friends and just learn to sleep with the door open. It’s much better than litter in your bed.
Also if it’s still a kitten. I started sleep training mine early and they got put to bed same time as everyone else in a zipper big mesh pet play pen with a small
Litter tray, water, a little dry food. Their bed, a couple toys. Safety pin the zippers shut. Because cats are smart enough to figure out zippers. And I’d put a big breathable blanket or sheet on top to make it dark. They use their box. Because cats do not like messes where they sleep. They can’t get up to trouble
In the middle of the night. And they will adjust
To your sleep schedule, so you can have them in bed once they’re a little older and get a full Sleep. I have three cats and I sleep trained/ litter trained them all this way.
Definitely talk to your vet about the runny poop though. Cats need a combination of wet and dry food. And I definitely recommend getting the slightly more expensive food which doesn’t have over processed meat and wheat grain. It’s much better for their digestive track, their poop, their coat health and overall well being. I buy the Acana cat food for my cats, it’s got a really decent price point and my cats love it. It’s been really good for their health.
i don’t even need to read all that. NTA.
we got 3 dogs that we would kill for but i’ll be damned if they get in bed with us.
NAH. But you need to get to the root of your cat’s digestive issues. You solve that and no more diarrhea and probably less stinky litter box too. Move the litter box if at all possible. Maybe a closet? And maybe switch to pellets for litter. That will end the litter tracking. Good luck with the little guy.