I (33F) am considering going on vacation without my husband (34M).
We’ve been together for about ten years, and every single year, I’m the one who pays for our trips. I also pay for most activities and transportation during those vacations. I’ve taken him to places like Curaçao, Mexico, Sint Maarten, and all over Europe.
Next April we have a cruise planned with my family for my aunt’s birthday. Months ago, my husband and I agreed he would pay for this trip, since he’s getting a double salary next month.
Today I asked him what he wanted for Christmas. He said he wanted a gaming PC that costs between €900–€1000. I told him he should think of something more realistic that I could actually afford. He then said he would buy it himself using his double salary.
I reminded him that the plan was for him to use that money to pay for the cruise.
He didn’t want to talk about it.
I got upset and said, “If you buy the computer, fine. But then you’re not coming on the cruise.” He said nothing.
That made me even angrier. I asked him, “In the ten years we’ve been together, how many vacations have you actually paid for?” The answer is zero.
After a few minutes he finally said, “I’ll see what’s left over, and I’ll buy the computer with whatever remains.”
At that point I was done.
AITA for not wanting him to come anymore?
INFO
1) Why do you have split finances?
2) Have you ever had an actual conversation with your husband about the finances or did you just blow up on him now about feelings you’ve had pent up?
1. We have split finances . but we pay everything 50/50
2 Yes many times. I was the bread winner for years and it was 70/30 me paying 70. But I had a burn out and had to change my job.
We had a conversation before I switched jobs about finances and what it will mean.
Even about the cruise and how we will pay it we spoke about many times.
Its not the first time that he said he would pay for something and I end up paying for it
I think y’all should go to marriage counseling tbh. It doesn’t sound like y’all are effective at communicating with each other, and if you’re so upset you’re willing to just not have him join you on vacation, I think that signifies the marriage is racing to the end.
I, too, would have split finances with a man who gets a bonus and immediately buys himself a toy.
Sounds like he will be enjoying his new PC alone while you are away. I wouldn’t fret it. His ticket wasn’t in the budget.
It seems like he said he would pay for the trip though, and buy the PC with whatever was left over. So I don’t really understand the issue here at all and why OP is mad.
I was angry because he said something, “Take it back,” and then wanted to back out. When I told him he could stay home, he expected me to say, “Okay, I’ll pay for it.” I learned from my mother that if you make an promise /agreement you must keep it
Info: how are other costs/expenses split?
Does he actually enjoy/want to go all over Europe?
There are things I enjoy and will pay for, other things that I won’t, but will go if it’s free.
Concert tix are a good example is someone says I have an extra concert for X band it is $100 for it do you want to go? My response is naw I’m okay not going, if they then say well if I can’t sell it you want it for free, I will say yeah I’m in if no one buys it.
He might not particularly want to pay for the trip, but if it’s free he is fine going.
NTA – get a new husband
“The divorce came out of nowhere.”
“There were no signs.”
“I didn’t do anything worng.”
“It is so sudden.”
MEn SAcRIFicE theIR HAPPINess For thEIr fAmIly. WoMen sAcrIFiCe thEir famILy FOr theIr HAPpinESS.
“We’ve been together for about ten years, and every single year, I’m the one who pays for our trips. I also pay for most activities and transportation during those vacations. I’ve taken him to places like Curaçao, Mexico, Sint Maarten, and all over Europe.”
Why are you still with this guy?
She likes being mommy in her marriage