I (24f) am moving into bf (24m) house (super generous of him). I have a lot of books I really enjoy in my book shelf along with my art stuff. Besides that I have stuff that I have that is being put in his arts and crafts room. I brought over my two tvs, my Wii, and my pc. He said he can’t control who touches what. His dad may be moving back into the house and invites friends over. His nephews may also be coming over too. I feel like children should know impulse control before just touching things, but I know that’s not always the case. My concern is, if he can’t control what people touch. Why should I be moving in with him in the first place if I don’t get my privacy for my things? He tries to blame it on me being an only child or my autism and BPD and tells me I’m more than capable of getting over it. But I don’t want any of my stuff touched without permission in general and he can’t give me a guarantee that even my stuff in our bedroom will not be touched. I’m also very iffy about his dad leaving with us and inviting friends over. I told him I wasn’t okay with this in the first place because if I’m moving I would prefer my home to be my safe place without having to worry about random people coming over (wether they are nice or not). I told him my stipulations and everything and he proceeded to tell me this wouldn’t happen. Well I have moved most of my stuff over and spent all day exhausted doing this, and now he wants to tell me his dad is moving back and his dad may have friends over and my stuff may be touched. AITA for overreacting and getting anxious and mad at him for this? I told him I think I need to find a new place to stay if this will be the case and he thinks it’s childish and rude of me.
NTA. Completely normal and understandable to have your own things and not want people touching all over them. I don’t think anyone would like it if some other people were just touching all over things that they cared about.
>I told him my stipulations and everything and he proceeded to tell me this wouldn’t happen. Well I have moved most of my stuff over
So… you told him your ‘stipulations,’ he told you your stipulations wouldn’t be met, *and you still moved in anyway.*
Now his dad is going to be living with him, and you’re surprised? He told you it would happen!
He told you he wouldn’t honor your ‘stipulations’, so I’m confused why you still moved in and why you still seem to be surprised that he’s still saying his dad will move in and people will be over. He literally told you it would happen.
ESH
It’s reasonable to not want your personal things touched/messed with.
>I told him I wasn’t okay with this in the first place because if I’m moving I would prefer my home to be my safe place without having to worry about random people coming over
This part is less reasonable, because when you aren’t the only one living there, you don’t get to ‘stipulate’ that other people can’t come over.
NTA. Not childish or rude at all. Your stuff is your stuff and sometimes others are careless about handling other peoples things. Your concerns are normal and it sounds like your boyfriend is using your autism and BPD to be dismissive of your valid concerns because he feels inconvenienced or something. Why can he not guarantee stuff in your bedroom won’t be touched? No one should be in your bedroom but you guys. If things were brought out from your bedroom, guests over shouldn’t touch your things anyway unless given permission to. So if you don’t give permission but your boyfriend did, that’s just not respectful of him to you.
NTA. It is perfectly reasonable to not want your stuff handled and possibly broken since his nephews are included in the people that will be over. Living with your bf right now, especially with his father intending to move in, will not be the safe place you’re hoping for.
ESH
NTA. We all have different lifestyles, and sometimes we are not meant to be with certain people… If you think this will be just a phase, you’re probably wrong, and it will be the same after getting married, unless he understands you and agrees to meet in the middle at least. I have my office full of collectibles, guitars, ect. and if we have people over, my wife knows not to let anyone inside
YTA. These aren’t “random people,” they’re his family and friends. You’re right, you do need a new place to live.
OP, take breath.
You are NTA. HOWEVER, your comfort level may demand retaining your Own safe space.
NTA but please move back out now, your stuff will get destroyed and your partner will do nothing about it if anything he will blame you because according to him “people just touch things”
“Why should I be moving in with him in the first place if I don’t get my privacy for my things?” This. If you’re touchy about your stuff and it’s not that kind of home, then it’s probably not right for you.
NTA but you need to just move right back out.
ESH. You both have different expectations and you should have talked through all of this before making any decision about moving in together.