Hey everyone, hope all is well.
My parents divorced when I was 2, due to my Dad cheating. He played a big role in my life when i was younger. I was even introduced to his "new girlfriend," the woman he cheated with. I could tell right off the bat she didn’t like me, and i didn’t like her. She took my dad away, she took my family life away etc etc.
Then, around when i was 6 years old, I overheard my grandfather(dad’s dad) tell someone, "my son is getting married on so by so date". I begged and cried constantly to attend the wedding. The wedding day passed, not an invite nor a call, all the family was in attendance except me.
When I was around 8, my dad called me one night and said, "you have a brother now". I was in shock. I didn’t even know my step-mother was pregnant because they hid it so well. After that, he and his family cut contact with me. It really hurt me. I had no choice but to move along with my life.
When i was 11, his parents contacted me and asked me to come spend a weekend. I agreed and i went. Sadly they never changed they still lied to my face. They cut contact with me again.
In 2023 my grandparents asked my dad to ask me to come back because they are "getting old". I agreed because I’m not a hateful person and i really did just wanna spend time with them. This time they didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve been in contact with them continuously since 2023.
The feeling of neglect is a weight so heavy on my chest. I’ve been dealing with it daily. Dad and I barely speak – only a quick message for a birthday or xmas and that’s pretty much it. For the last two years, I’ve been thinking of dropping my Dad’s last name and taking my Mom’s. I took a small step towards it by changing my last name to my mom’s on Facebook.
That was a major issue the within the family. They said things like, "you’re giving this family a bad reputation", "you’re giving people on the outside an impression that you and your dad isn’t good".
I really don’t wanna carry this last name any more, It holds no significance to me. Thoughts?
NTA. I’m in a veeeery similar situation dad abandoned us, had a happy life with my step sister and her mum and completely disregards me and my brother. We see him maybe every few years or so and he plays good dad. I never changed my last name but part of me thinks I should have but I’m married and my wife and son have my last name so I’m reclaiming it so to speak. I think a name change is really good way to peacefully reject someone and if your family care about their reputation maybe they should have thought about that. Change it!
I’m so sorry you had to go through than man,it’s really tuff dealing with this.I’m glad you’ve found peace.Thanks for your comment,i really appreciate it!
Not gonna read that wall of text, but use whatever name you want.
NTA. Your family should have thought twice before neglecting you, especially your father. They have absolutely no right to reappear from the sewers to criticize you now, but this only shows how little they care about you (only about appearances and trivial things ). My advice is that you should change your last name in the way you want and cut them all that hurt you out of your life at once, because they did nothing for you in life except pretend you didn’t exist, and that made you get used to it. You will be able to overcome this.
NTA, you can do what you want, but I’m wondering: who is criticizing you for wanting to change your name? Your dad’s parents? Who else would care, and why do they matter?
ESH – get therapy. (non derogatory)
I’m looking into it
🙂 GL
NTA. They care more about appearances than they care about you. Change your name to whatever you want it to be.
Also, paragraphs are your friend.
Try this:
Hey everyone, hope all is well.
My parents divorced when I was 2, due to my Dad cheating. He played a big role in my life when i was younger. I was even introduced to his “new girlfriend,” the woman he cheated with. I could tell right off the bat she didn’t like me, and i didn’t like her. She took my dad away, she took my family life away etc etc.
Then, around when i was 6 years old, I overheard my grandfather(dad’s dad) tell someone, “my son is getting married on so by so date”. I begged and cried constantly to attend the wedding. The wedding day passed, not an invite nor a call, all the family was in attendance except me.
When I was around 8, my dad called me one night and said, “you have a brother now”. I was in shock. I didn’t even know my step-mother was pregnant because they hid it so well. After that, he and his family cut contact with me. It really hurt me. I had no choice but to move along with my life.
When i was 11, his parents contacted me and asked me to come spend a weekend. I agreed and i went. Sadly they never changed they still lied to my face. They cut contact with me again.
In 2023 my grandparents asked my dad to ask me to come back because they are “getting old”. I agreed because I’m not a hateful person and i really did just wanna spend time with them. This time they didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve been in contact with them continuously since 2023.
The feeling of neglect is a weight so heavy on my chest. I’ve been dealing with it daily. Dad and I barely speak – only a quick message for a birthday or xmas and that’s pretty much it. For the last two years, I’ve been thinking of dropping my Dad’s last name and taking my Mom’s. I took a small step towards it by changing my last name to my mom’s on Facebook.
That was a major issue the within the family. They said things like, “you’re giving this family a bad reputation”, “you’re giving people on the outside an impression that you and your dad isn’t good”.
I really don’t wanna carry this last name any more, It holds no significance to me. Thoughts?
Thanks!
Drop the name. Drop the family. They are only there because they want your labour in their old age. Their reputation is in the gutter, nothing you do can make it worse. Just remind them of that.
NTA