I love him a lot but I feel bad, but at the same time is it not basic hygiene?
He showers twice a week or so (that is being generous), which isnt great but he has a disability that means he cant get in and out of the shower easily, so I can kind of get behind it. He isnt on PIP so he cant get housing adjustments for it (we’re UK Based)
I also found out that he doesnt clean his penis after he pees. He claims its normal and I havent been in many relationships so I wouldnt know, and I guess I’d be fine with it if he showered more but he doesnt so surely it just coagulates and that is gross and explains why I was getting throat infections when we first got together.
I know this needs a conversation with him lol maybe I’ll do it tonight but just feels bad you know? Mainly with his disability but surely that shouldnt stop him from using a flannel.
Would you be more comfortable with it if he cleaned himself beforehand?
NTA
And I don’t care who you are – you wash your “pits n bits” DAILY because they get dirty, sweaty, and smelly. A clean washcloth and some soap and water isn’t that hard even for (most) people with disabilities.
I haven’t even read the rest your post and I know you’re not the asshole
Ew. Another day, another funky partner post on Reddit? What’s the end goal here? YTA to yourself. Are pickings so slim that you can’t even find a guy who cleans himself properly?
The bar is in hell. I wish people would stop enabling people like this by rewarding them with relationships.
This is actually super disgusting good Lord. NTA you need to be comfortable in a relationship…ew
NTA
Absolutely not, basic hygiene is like step 0, it’s not even a question
**Hearken, brothers, and draw ye near, for I speak not idle jest but sacred truth.**
Verily, the Lord who fashioned thee of dust and divine breath did not intend thee to reek like a tanner’s vat left in the sun.
Thou shalt therefore wash thine ass and thy balls daily, (yea even on the Sabbath) lest foul humors gather and summon pestilence, itch, and maidenly rejection.
For know this: unclean loins offend both God and Woman. And shouldst thou neglect the cleansing of thy nether flesh, thou shalt not be welcomed unto the holy axe wound, nor granted entry to its warm and blessed sanctuary.
Soap is thy shield. Water is thy salvation. Scrub with zeal, rinse with purpose, and dry as one who fears damnation.
Go forth then, cleansed and fragrant, that thou mayest know love, favor, and the mercies of the flesh. Amen.
I’m disabled and I regularly use wet wipes to keep myself clean because I can’t fully shower as regularly as I need
Absolutely NTA, a disability isn’t an entitlement.
I have lost nearly 100% of my vision in the last ten years. It has been really hard on me and on my wife .
Sometimes I am a bit sloppy or dirty, either from a shower, or stains on clothes, etc if I used this as an excuse to not get groomed before sex, my wife would leave me.
Being disabled means accepting things you can and can’t do, and understanding those limitations. If you can’t clean your penis you don’t get bjs.
NTA.
He needs to wash the entire area- not just his penis- before oral. Completely reasonable for you to make that a requirement. It is not reasonable for someone to expect their partner to have their face inches from their unclean ass.
NTA. The bar is on the floor. I see way too many posts about disgusting hygiene habits. 🤢 Showering once a week (since you said twice is generous) is disgusting. Even with a disability, what is stopping him from using wipes or a washcloth to clean himself between showers? You can stay fairly clean that way. He is not trying.
No do not feel bad about not going down on a gross d omg.
Before having sex, he can go wash the parts of his body that goes into your body. Anything else is just disgusting.
You are not obligated to give oral no matter the reason. You are never an asshole for not doing a sex act you aren’t into