My (31F) husband (28M) runs a business from home that I helped get off the ground. I paid for almost everything to fit out the shop with what he needed. I didn’t receive repayment, but I was okay with that as I wanted to help him and I was financially able to at the time. I receive absolutely no benefit or stake in his business. If he left me, I wouldn’t be entitled to anything as it’s completely in his name.
Cut to now, we just got married, which ran me through financially, along with some unfortunate circumstances, I’m going through a difficult time money wise. After getting sick 3 times in 2 months and being a sole trader myself, I had to ask my husband for support, which I paid back the next week. He wasn’t enthusiastic to help me and it caused a lot of friction. I had never hesitated to help him and despite him actually owing me thousands, I’d never brought it up or held it against him, so it cut deep that he begrudged me needing help.
We had a huge fight about it. I needed him to understand that I felt unappreciated for all of the sacrifices I’ve made, the money I’ve given him, and the consideration and understanding I give to him that I hadn’t been getting in return. We eventually resolved our issues and I thought finally put it to rest with a plan for the future. Every shared expense split 50/50 (I was paying more before), our cars and business expenses are our own to sort, we’d open a shared savings account and goal, and all money left over in our individual account is our own to use and save as we please.
Today, he mentioned fixing up some things in his shop. He had talked about new flooring and furniture a few times in the past and asked if I would pay half. This was before our big fight and I didn’t want to say no. However, after our fight and new plan, I thought he would know that any business expenses would have to be his to solve as agreed. Especially after my friend pointed out he gets to claim the entire amount of any business expenses on his tax. If I paid half, that means he is only paying half, but receiving a full refund, and I’m left with no refund and no benefit. Basically, he would be making money at my expense. As I don’t receive any benefit from his business, I don’t think it’s fair to expect me to subsidise his business refurbishment. Not only does he get to claim all costs on his tax, it’s also a gut punch that I spent so much money on the things he now wants to get rid of and extra insulting he wants me to pay for replacing the things I spent so much money on.
So, AITA for not wanting to pay half of his business refurb?
NTA. You need to start separating your personal finances from his business finances. My long-term partner runs his own business, and I can’t fathom using any of my money to help with it. If he can’t afford more equipment now, his business needs to make more money then do it.
NTA. But you’re only married when it benefits him. Otherwise you’re roommates.
You’re bankrolling his business, before you were married, your income fell on hard times and he’s mad. Now he wants you to finance more for his business? You helped start the business, he needs to supplement his business from his business income. You’ve already made an investment in the business as a couple, now unless there is an actual problem with things in the shop, it’s a NICE to have. If he can’t sustain the improvements on the shop, the improvements can wait.
NTA but figure out why you even married him.
who gets married to someone who’s going to let you hang out to dry??? having to ask your SPOUSE FOR HELP is wild work. what the hell. check with a lawyer about your actual financial stake in the business as his WIFE. marriage is OUR money that’s why its important to be picky about who you’re marrying. NTA
NTA. You might want to look up the definition of “community property” for where you live. Without a prenup, that business is a joint venture. Also, why in the world are you not filing jointly? You can maintain separate accounts and still file jointly.
NTA don’t help him and you should reconsider this marriage, it’s not a partnership. If you can prove you provided capital you may get something in the divorce.
Do not have children. He won’t support you through pregnancy and childbirth, both of which can go wrong. He’ll complain every time you need to buy baby items, and he will be “too busy and stressed with business ” to help with childcare.
He’s showing you what he’s like, which is selfish and inconsiderate.
NTA, but you should talk to a lawyer. Going forward, you need to be compensated for setting up the business. This man is taking advantage of you. You own a stake. You deserve the cash value of the loan, or a cut of profits going forward.
NTA he’s just using you and doesn’t want to help you at all. You say the wedding ran you through financially I hope you didn’t pay for all of that too!
NTA.
You both agreed to pay your own business expenses. Remind him of that. If he cannot afford to float the “refurbishments” on his own, either he needs to delay implementing them, or choose cheaper options.
As far as “losing out” on all your contributions you are incorrect, and could absolutely file a claim against the business for providing funds contributing to his bottom line setting up the business, if it ever came to divorce and you have receipts or can prove it.
Bottom line, husband sounds like a giant AH and I’d be careful contributing anything against his business in the future.
NTA and he feels very entitled to exploit you and LOATHE to offer you support. I’m sure this happens more places than this. You sure this is your soulmate?
NTA….your husband is 31, why would he need to buy new flooring and furniture already?? His business couldn’t have been operating that long.
He’s also shown a distinct lack of respect for you and money in the story you told. Unless you get a stake in his business why would you invest further?
He has essentially stolen money from you and is now trying to do it again.
I’m sorry, but it sounds like he treats you more like a sugar mama than a partner. Hell to the no you’re not the asshole in this scenario, but your husband….. tell him you don’t need any help deciding what to spend your money on, he’s on his own. NTA