since i (m 18) was a kid, i always skipped school events like dances, proms or that kind of events, my dad was okay with this, but my mom wasn’t, her experience with these events was always great in her words, so she wanted me to have that same experience, so since i was a kid, she always bought a ticket for me and bought clothes for me to wear to these events, well now that my last year finished, the school web page uploaded pictures from these events, and my mom found out, when she searched my name she found out i never went at all, she got angry went to my dad’s house, she told me i decieved her into thinking that i went to these events and that i was as popular as her, said how she felt i made her waste money for nothing, and how ungrateful i was, i told her how she always knew i didnt like these events, and that she was being selfish for forcing me to go based on her memories, she asked my dad if he knew and my dad said that he understood how i felt and helped me sometimes, he said how he sometimes cancelled the ticket behind her back and returned the money, so it wouldnt be wasted. my mom started calling us liars and left, now she added me on a groupchat with my BD Sister who is a professional photographer telling me she paid her to recreate the pictures for her i told her no and she called me ungrateful again and told me that she would give me another chance to reconsider and do the right thing, AITA?
INFO:
\-BD: Bio dad
NTA. Sounds like your mom peaked in high school. (I do NOT recommend you repeating that sentence to her)
I laughed out loud. Yes, OP, do not say that to your mom. Even if it is true.
NTA. Your mom has some serious emotional issues that she needs help with. She doesn’t want to live in reality and that is not your fault or problem.
NTA for not going if you don’t want to. If your mum wants a nice picture of you, it might be the easiest course of action, but get your sister to take one in a location that cannot be mistaken for a school dance as a compromise
its not my sister, its my aunt, BD its my bio dad, she is his sister, i didnt explain it well
NTA, and it’s actually sad that your mother is trying to relive her youth through you. In fact, tell her that – “Mom, I’m not you. The reason I didn’t tell you is because of how you’re acting right now. You don’t seem to understand we’re not the same person. I will not be participating in the photoshoot. Maybe you could use it to recreate those memories for yourself, but I am not interested.”
And then refuse to engage on the topic no matter how many times she brings it up. Just end the call/walk away.
>and that i was as popular as her
This is something your mom needs to deal with because none of this seems to be about you at all. NTA. Taking a nice picture for your mom is fine. I also skipped all that stuff and never regretted it.
This can’t possibly be real, but in case it is, NTA and your mom would probably benefit from psychological help.
dude… some time ago i got in a problem with her over sims 4, wish i could change her but she refuses any help that isnt from church
Dang. I’m sorry to hear that. I have a relative like that, but one far enough away that I can mostly ignore her.
NTA but honestly it would have been better if your dad had just told her that you wouldn’t be going to the events so she didn’t waste her money. If he did try that and she refused to see sense your still NTA for just going behind her back,
NTA. your mother is projecting onto you, and hard. while there’s a chance she actually didn’t have as much fun as is saying she djd , and she wants to have a popular child to make up for it, theres also a chance that she peaked in HS and at her big age is so shallow she still thinks popularity is all that matters and if you’re not popular then you’re nothing. She’s completely ignoring the fact that you’re perfectly happy doing what you’re doing, because it’s not “cool”. She wanted a popular child because that’s what she wanted her perfect child to be, and the fact that you didn’t want to go and you told her you didn’t want to go and communicated with her that you don’t like these events makes it not your fault. its her fault for trying to pressure you into something you wouldn’t enjoy and then attempting to shame you because she’s being selfish. she’s being selfish by demanding you dress up and play pretend as the son she seems to have always wanted. don’t go, don’t engage with her at all about this topic , and tell her it’s not about you. she can’t change the past and these new pictures are weird. she can’t force you and if this is the hill she wants to die on , so be it
IF YOU WANT to —tell your Mom you will have a nice portrait done for her in a fancy outfit .
What she did -trying to make you go to these occasions was wrong .
What she may really want now is a nice memory of you at this age .
NTA, your mom needs to realize her high school experience and the things she liked are different than yours.
Also it just sounds like she has a real hatd time of letting go or moving on. Like she wanted to relive her high school days through you.
I mean I could almost understand being a little upset that there aren’t photos to document or remember your school years. But to get a photographer and try to recreate memories that didnt even happen is insane