AITA?
So this is my first holiday season since my husband left me, and my mom texted me asking if we could do Thanksgiving on Wednesday because their friends invited them over on the actual holiday. I told her I was working & therefore not available for Wednesday, she then told me I could go with them to their friend’s house (I’ve never met them). I didn’t really respond to that so they decided to have it on Friday. But then she could tell I was salty so she rescheduled it for Thanksgiving early in the day so they could go over to their friends house in the evening. Am I the asshole? Lol I told her I’ve already been dreading this holiday season to begin with so if they aren’t available on the holiday, we can just skip it. I know I’m dramatic, but I’m also an only child and I can’t even imagine the response I would’ve gotten if I had asked them to reschedule Thanksgiving so I can go hang out with my friends when I was younger. Not to mention the fact I can’t imagine them ever leaving anyone else in their family by themselves after the year I’ve just had. I love my husband, but he had CTE and was an alcoholic and he literally threw me out. It was super abrupt and honestly, he completely lost his mind so it was really traumatic.
You’re NTA. It’s not wrong for you to want your parents to support you on your first holiday post-breakup. As a parent you don’t always get to do what you want, even if your kids are adults.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. CTE is a terrible disease. Wishing you the best possible holidays.
Thank you for this! CTE is terrible, it feels a lot like losing somebody to Alzheimer’s. When we broke up, he got so paranoid, started locking me out of rooms and hanging cameras all over the house. Eventually, he threw all my stuff on the driveway and the night before all of this started we were laying in bed, cracking up about a book he was reading. The next day, he literally lost it.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through OP. It sounds like you had established plans to spend the holiday together, and now they want to bail for a better offer. I would not want to reschedule, once I understand I’m just their back-up plan I’d rather make my own different plans than move my schedule around to spend time with people who didn’t prioritize spending time with me. Do you have friends you can join or team up to have dinner with?
NTA if you normally spent thanksgiving with your family. if while you were with your husband you didn’t spend thanksgiving with your parents, I can possibly understand why they might have made other plans prior to your break up but as a parent I would put my child ahead of friends. so sorry this is adding to your stress.
NTA. tho you say you could tell she knew you were salty/whilst you said you could skip the holiday at the same time? Just a bit contradictory so wondering how you actually feel here. Sounds like parents just caring for their kid, and sounds like you’re just exhausted with holiday time (understandable with circumstances). Think a little talk with your mum could iron it out?
Soft YTA but only because it seems like you’re relying on silence and attitude to communicate. Clear the air with some direct communication. I hope you have a peaceful holiday season.
YTA
NTA, but I also suggest you move forward – for your own benefit.
OP, I’m so sorry for what you are dealing with and your parents’ less than supportive behavior.
I’m probably closer to your parents’ age than yours. I cannot imagine prioritizing dinner with friends over ‘being there’ for one of my kids at such a lonely and challenging time for you.
I know your mom did try to offer some alternatives, but all of them were designed to still prioritize dinner with their friends and then fit you in after that. Dinner on Wed/Fri (besides ignoring your work schedule) leaves you alone on THE day when most folks are spending time with their families. Having you join them at their friends means you have to put on a socially polite, public face, and the time is more about their friendship, with you as a fifth wheel. The rushed lunch with you means they are still focused on freeing themselves of you in time to meet their friends. Instead of being open to spending more time with you – talking/ playing games/ just being in each other’s company.
But you can’t really make your parents offer more than they are willing/able to. You’ve made it clear that you would value spending time with them on Thanksgiving, and they have offered what they are willing to offer. They are not going to give up the dinner with their friends.
You accept that and get what comfort you can from them in a small window… and find other methods/turn to other people to get through the other moments. If you didn’t live near your parents, you would have to do that anyway. And for your own benefit… don’t spend time with them steeped in resentment about this. Whenever you are with them, be in the moment of sharing time and food and company with them. Seek and wallow in the stuff that heals your heart, not breaks it further.
YTA. Put on your Big Girl Pants — it isn’t your parents’ job to coddle you and they’ve offered a compromise. Not responding is just childish.
You need to have an actual conversation with your parents, wherein you tell them that you’re hurt by their lack of support in a year that’s been so difficult for you, and that you feel like you’re being abandoned.
YTA, you a big girl. You can go over to your parents friends house, even when you haven’t met them. It’s better than sitting at home alone.
Soft YTA. You’re an adult & you’re perfectly able to go to a “strangers” house & be cordial.
Your parents have their own lives going on, it’s not fair of you to take over their holidays with your problems. However difficult it may be for you.
You need to communicate OP.
Yes -it would be great if your family was putting you first .
But parents can change as they age .
They do not get up every AM thinking of you first . Yes it hurts but that is Life .