Due to anxiety and stress, my mum got me this needoh to help! So everytime I get stressed or nervous I use it to relax me. A friend of mine caught me playing with it and asked if they could borrow it. I don’t mind sharing stuff with my friends so of course I said yes! The problem is, one of my other friend tends to use for a large amount of time in school, and whenever I ask for it back she usually begs to keep it longer or gives it back just to ask for it again… I love my friend but this really irritated me.
I could be in an overwhelming situation where I need something to fidget with to help me relax, but I can’t even use it due to my friends asking for it 24/7. I’ve had previous situations where I’ve gotten so overwhelmed to the point I scratch myself, not enough to cause scars but my needoh definitely helps. The thing is, they’re my friends, they share things with me so I don’t want to be rude and just tell them that they can’t use it. I feel selfish for it.
So I genuinely want to know if I’M in the wrong. Sharing is caring but does it still count if you’re sharing your stress toy?
No is a sentence you know.
No.
just like that, try it my dear.
NO.
Tell your friends to have their parents buy one for them. Stop letting everyone use it.
NTA. Tell her you have shared more than was good for you. Your mom bought it for you to use yourself and is not happy that you have been sharing it and will not allow you to share it anymore because not having it is having a negative impact on your studies and concentration. Leave it at that. My mom said no.
NTA. No is a complete sentence. Your true friends will understand that for them it is just a toy but for you it’s a coping mechanism. Good Luck!
NAH
Nor you or your friends are aholes, I just think you need to set a boundary with them, I’m sure your friends will understand if you tell them why.
NTA. First, it’s a tool for managing anxiety, not a toy the way you use it. Second, sharing is caring, but you are not required or expected to share things you need at your own detriment and that’s what you’re doing. You share extra/excess, not your own needed supply.
Say no to your friend, “Sorry, but no, I need this.”Maybe send them a link to where your mom got you the product. Maybe even get one for them for their birthday or something, but you do not need to give up items you need for your friend’s benefit. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
‘You share extra/excess, not your own needed supply.’ -> I love the way you phrased this.
Your stress toy is one thing that you should not be sharing, because then it is not available when you need it. Explain to your friends that you cannot lend it out anymore because you really do need it and it has not been available multiple times lately when you have really needed it. Tell them where they can get one of their own.
“Hey you seem to really like my needoh! Do you want me to send you the link so you can get your own? I don’t want you to not be able to use one when I need mine.”
NTA
NTA.
But please don’t put that thing in the microwave to make it more pliable like apparently all the Tiktokers are doing. A kid got \*seriously\* injured that way.
Talk to your mom. I was always willing to be the bad guy when my kids were being pressured to do something they didn’t really want to do. If she agrees, tell your friends that she won’t let you share it anymore.
NTA, just say no. The friend can go get their own squishy stress toy.
Consider it a medical device, would you share your CPAP machine? You have it because you need it, not to be prepared for when others ~~need~~ want it. They need to get their own, not borrow yours. Sharing is caring is just another one of those catchy marketing phrases created by an organization that wanted to get something from others, in that case, money (Salvation Army, 1950’s). Don’t feel guilty for having things that are just for you, you deserve to be able to have full time access to your things. Loving and caring for you friends is truly a great thing but, don’t put their needs and wants before yours. It is not selfish or anything else, say no and don’t feel bad about it. You didn’t mention how old your friends are but, it sound like your friends are middle schoolers that just want what you have, not because they actually need it.
NTA, except to yourself when you give in to them.
NTA – its a tool not a toy. its given a cutesy name to help kids and the public cope, but they are a disability tool. its like if they asked to try on your glasses or try out your wheel chair. its not appropriate nor should you feel compelled to say yes.