I’m a 15-year-old guy, and I know it’s normal to be more irritable with parents at this age. Sometimes I question if I’m wrong for feeling this way.
After track practice, my mom and dad picked me up and said they were going to have “one beer” at the legion. I already knew it wouldn’t just be one beer. I sat at the bar for an hour, then went to wait in the truck. I ended up sitting there until 8 PM, four hours total. I was exhausted and just wanted to shower and go to bed. On the way home, my dad was drunk and swerving. I stayed quiet to avoid a fight.
The next day I told him how I felt. He said things like, “I don’t see you a lot,” “That’s where we’re different,” and “You can’t change me.” I expected that, so I stopped talking. What got me was when he said, "That shit you pulled leaving the bar was a bitch move…you should have at least socialized." I’m not a bitch, I’m social at school, but I hate bars and feel embarrassed being there with him.
He works a lot, trucking seven days a week. When he’s laid off, this same thing happens almost every time. He tells me I’m “helping” with his semi-truck, but I just sit there while he works or talks. Mostly we get home at 1 AM. I wish we could leave earlier instead of spending the whole afternoon and night like this.
I also never let him drive me to school because I’m always tardy when he does. When I mention it, he gets mad. I care about being on time. If I go to bed at 9 on school nights, and he wants to watch a movie, I say no, and he gets annoyed. I go straight to bed with no phone, no TV, no excuses.
I love my dad. I just dislike this. It feels like he wants to spend time with me, but only on his terms. I don’t mind spending time together, just not sitting for hours, getting home at 1 AM, being told I’m “Helping” when I’m not, and always being late.
My dad used to be a Marine and served three tours in the Middle East. He didn’t spend much time with me when I was little. When I was younger, I really wanted to spend time with him, but now that craving has passed. He’s trying now, but I’m not sure how to handle it.
NTA- wild that your parents are taking a 15yr old to a bar and then drunk driving with you. This is one of those things where it’s just going to take time, your dad is probably feeling like he’s missed out on a lot, if you’d like to try and spend time with him then maybe suggest something to do together? And as poorly as it is going to go, you need to tell them you’re uncomfortable with them driving you home drunk
NTA. Your dad’s behavior is completely inappropriate and dangerous. You should not be driven around by a drunk driver and you shouldn’t be held hostage at a bar while he gets drunk. He isn’t being a parent, he is actively putting you in danger.
What is the outcome you are hoping for here? Do you want your other parent to have sole custody of you? Do you want your dad to have supervision with your visitation so you don’t have to deal with his alcohol behavior? I suggest you get very clear about what you want and then approach a trusted adult and tell them all of this and ask for help. Your mom, your teacher, a school counselor, a coach- anyone that will listen to you. They SHOULD file a report with CPS and that would launch an investigation. If your dad cooperates, he could get supervised visits. Or you can ask to testify before a judge and ask that your other parent get sole custody. The judge will consider your request because of your age.
Your other parent has the least control to change things without your cooperation in testifying, so be prepared to speak up for yourself.
Oh Kiddo, I’m so sorry.
You’re definitely NTA.
You’re right, your dad is asking to you spend time with his entirely about his own needs and disregarding yours. And this sucks, of course you are upset about it.
Sounds like your dad is not okay. His drinking and disregard for your needs, comfort and safety is concerning. It also seems like he isn’t in a place to hear you when you tell him the impact on you. This sucks. Of course you dislike it, and don’t want to do it.
This doesn’t mean he is a ‘bad dad’. It just means he’s not able to be a good one right now.
Focus on looking after yourself. Take the positives he can offer without it harming you and protect yourself from the rest of it. Do you have other family or friends who can help you home from practice ect? Can you stay at the library or somewhere else to avoid being asked to ‘help’ with the truck?
Right now you just need to look after you
NTA at all and I’m so sorry for the struggle you are having. Your dad should NEVER drive drunk. You sitting at the bar while your parents drink for 4 hours sounds miserable. Him never getting you to school on-time and wanting you to stay up late watching movies shows how little he values your education. That’s not fair to you at all. This sounds so frustrating.
You don’t have to be friends with your dad at this age. If you feel that pulling away is the best option, maybe that is what you do for now.
If you want to, you could ask your dad to do activities with you that *you* want to do. Kick/toss a ball around. Do a jigsaw puzzle. Cook. Draw, carve, or assemble something (using wood metal or legos, I dunno what you have). Go for a walk, play a simple (generally not shooters or competitive) video game, sit at the table eating snacks and asking open ended questions, anything like that. Activities that don’t require a lot of concentration, but might require some time. Activities that have nothing to do with alcohol or his job. If he takes you up on the offer, maybe you can spend healthy time together. If he refuses, then either try a different activity or take a break. Spending 15 minutes doing a neutral activity might be enough to help, but I don’t know.
I’m not a professional or anything, I don’t have real solid advice here. Just feels like what I’d suggest for the time being.
Please, never get in the car when your dad is drunk again. Please. I know you have very little control over those situations right now, but I almost want to suggest you call/text the police if he drives drunk again. He WILL kill someone, it’s just a matter of when. He could well kill everyone in the car. Just…ugh. I’m worried he’s an alcoholic. I can’t get past that.
NTA.
Your parents are major AH for taking you to a bar. Your dad is major AH for getting drunk and driving drunk….**WITH YOU IN THE CAR**. Your parents are major AH for trying to make a situation they cause paint you as an AH.
OP, please find a way to live with a family member or grandparents or get CPS involved. The fact your dad drove y’all drunk made me nervous for your safety and anyone else on the road. Next time your dad drives drunk please call the cops. With this level of carelessness, a tradgedy will occur
NTA, and your dad needs help. He literally put you in danger, and it doesn’t seem like that’s the first or last time. Refuse to get in the car with him like that again. If you don’t feel comfortable calling him out, leave a note with the bartender and they may be able to stop him for you. They might be able to get you an Uber home. Better safe than appeasing him, for sure.
NTA. Of course not, if he was taking you to church when you didn’t want to go, say, to play bingo, it would be bad enough, but taking you to a bar and driving home drunk with you in the vehicle is bad on several levels. You seem to be handling talking to him well, it doesn’t sound like he is open to talking and really hearing your point of view.
I realize you may live in an area where this is difficult, but do you have friends who could drive you home after the track event?
NTA.
He doesn’t acknowledge your feelings and makes you feel bad whenever you interact with him. It’s not easy what you are going through.
NTA. Your parents are alcoholics who drive you around drunk.
Please talk to a teacher at school about this. Your teacher *will* file a report with child protective services because this is abuse.
You are not at fault with any of this.
Your dad is not trying. He just wants to say he is if anyone asks. Bringing your son to a bar while you drink and then drive him home drunk is not spending time with him. Depriving your son of sleep because you wants to watch a movie with him is not spending time with him. Having your son do your job for you and making him stay up until 1 AM is not spending time with him.