I f/22 & my bf m/23 have been fighting about him wanting me to sleep at his house when i have expressed that I am uncomfortable with doing so. (Context, we both live with our parents and he cannot stay at my house) This is a daily fight between us. I have told him several reasons: 1. his dog bit me & his mom justified it by saying i must be about to start my period & refused to keep the dog away from me. 2. I have diagnosed back problems & his bed hurts my back so much that I don’t feel better for days after. 3. he refuses to actually so anything with me (go out to eat, activities outside of the house, etc) other than sit in his bed. 4. his house is dirty. regarding #1 – he says the dog was playing – doesn’t matter don’t let your dog bite people. #2 – he says i don’t care if your back hurts, suck it up. he thinks his bed is fine for him so it has to be fine for everyone. #3 – i told him i feel that all he wants is to do "stuff" in bed because he refuses to go do other activities but he swears that isn’t true, he’s just s/xually frustrated if it isn’t 3+ times a week. #4 – his mom is paid by the government to take care of his disabled brother (who is disabled but is perfectly capable of taking care of himself (can drive, live alone, etc.) ) she just chooses to not clean fully (house smells, dirt & dust on walls, cobwebs everywhere, dishes piled in sink always, bugs smashed on the walls) – he justifies this by saying its weird how clean my house is (its a normal amount of clean). he says this is all he asks of me and i told him i don’t ask him to do things that make him uncomfortable. he told me im being a baby and he doesn’t care if im uncomfortable, just suck it up because I’ve done it before. I explained to him that it is wrong to ask someone to do something that makes them uncomfortable & if he loved me, he wouldn’t ask me to do that. I expressed that it would be different if he lived somewhere else, but he is unemployed due to him losing his job by failing his certification class and can’t afford to move out. he tells me that I "just want to stay home with my mommy" and that "im a baby". obviously this is the short version but he is making me feel crazy for thinking im justified in not wanting to spend the night there.
You are definitely not in the wrong, he should clean the house and get a new bed and make sure your a decent distance from the dog and take you out because going out doesn’t have to cost money, it is a privilege to date someone and he acts like it is a right for you to do whatever he wants
NTA, but why are you with this guy in the first place?
we have been together almost a year and at the beginning it was good. we actually did things (would go on dates all the time, go shopping, go out, etc.) I never expected him or wanted him to pay but he insisted. now that he lost his job and doesn’t have the money to do things, we don’t do anything at all. like not even walk around the mall and window shop or go on drives and listen to music. he became hyper fixated on me staying at his house because its free. i overlooked the dirty house at first but then things added up (the dog biting me, the back pain getting worse, the constant fighting over this). i still remember the good times and want that back but idk why he won’t drop this
NTA – but why are you dating this guy? Like does he have ANY redeeming qualities at all??
In the beginning (we have been together for almost a year) it was really good. we would go on dates all the time, go shopping, go out, etc. I never expected him or wanted him to pay but he insisted. now that he lost his job and doesn’t have the money to do things, we don’t do anything at all. like not even walk around the mall and window shop or go on drives and listen to music. he became hyper fixated on me staying at his house because its free. i overlooked the dirty house at first but then things added up (the dog biting me, the back pain getting worse, the constant fighting over this). i still remember the good times and want that back but idk why he won’t drop this
NTA.
You are allowed to feel and do whatever you want in this situation as most, it’s your decision only not someone else’s.
But based on your full story, you should run not walk away from this guy and family
Please do yourself a favor, a HUGE favor.
I can’t say this strongly enough RUN!!!!!!!!
He is a slob, and not only is he used to it, he likes it.
He doesn’t give a rats ass about your feelings. All he wants from you is S@X and he is bullying you into it and being emotionally abusive towards you.
He has NO RESPECT for you or your boundaries; neither does his mother.
I will say this again, RUN!!!
Girl you’re 22. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t waste it on this loser. You deserve better and you can do better.
This is NOT, in ANY shape or form, a loving relationship.
Just dump this loser.
You’re NTA but if you stay with him ……
NTA Reread your post and think what advice you would give to a friend if she were in the same situation. You have wasted enough time and energy on this person. It’s past time to move on. You deserve better.
So he insults you and dismisses your pain and won’t do anything with you that doesn’t involve sex?
He’s using you and he’s an awful human being. I don’t even have acquaintances who treat me this badly, let alone close relationships. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. Don’t be in a relationship with somebody who calls you names and thinks it’s fine for you to be in pain as long as he gets what he wants. Please dump him.
NTA.
Why on earth are you even with that guy?? NTA.
NTA and are you trying to punish yourself? The only thing he adds to your life is misery.