Me F(26) and F(27) have been friends for a few years. We met at a job we both hated and quickly bonded over it. We also survived this terrible trio at work, with maybe the most deluded pick-me girl I’ve ever encountered. The friendship with F(27) had been good! When I was in a tight pinch, she’d help me out, like being my guarantor when I had to move house suddenly. But everything changed when she broke up with her long-time bf. I’d never seen how she was outside of relationships, only in this (admittedly) bad one.
Red flags started to pop up pretty quickly. She’d message our GC screenshots she’d taken on her ex’s phone, sent to herself and then sent to us. I thought the crash-out was valid since theyd been together most of their lives. But it got worse. She’d slag him off in the GC, talk about how hysterically she was crying because he refused to sleep with her after she came home drunk and propositioned him. She was maybe on her own for 2 weeks before she was on dating apps. We were all trying to be supportive, hyping her up to find someone else, and she did.
Boy2 arrived. She met him twice, they started dating after a week and within a month she’d quit her job and moved across the country to live with him. Everyone expressed concern for her, but she said she was happy and really liked him. We didn’t hear anything from her for weeks; the only time she spoke to us was if it was about him. She played one of my very personal VNs I’d sent to her outloud and HE replied. Bearing in mind, we never met this man. We didn’t know anything about him, just that he was F27’s new boyfriend.
Out of nowhere, she starts sending long VNs in our GC. She told us she was having issues with him. Everything from intimacy issues to basic disrespect. She sent our GC SC of their conversations, and I felt the way she was speaking to him was off. In every SC she sent, she was petty, trying to win arguments for argument’s sake. They’d break up then be back together by morning, hed break up with her and shed send selfies crying in the gc going on about how he never loved her, then theyd get back together the same day. It was exhausting.
Then she said he’d said some disgusting red pill adjacent stuff. She told us that it went against all her morals and beliefs and that this was a hard line and she’d never get back with him. She got back with him; she just didn’t tell the GC about it. This was the turning point for me. I was the one in the group who’d called her out directly. I told her that she was being stupid, and she sent more stupid justifications. I ignored her. After that, she didn’t wish me a Happy Birthday, or Christmas, or New Year’s. She speaks to everyone else in the GC, not me. When I didn’t reply to her sending another SC in the GC about how her and boy1 were offically over she messaged one of my good friends to ask if theyd heard from me, and that she thought I had the GC muted. She never once contacted me.
AITA for wanting to cut her off?
NTA move away from the ridiculous drama
I don’t think anyone here can answer you that. How good was your friendship? It all depends on that, doesn’t it?
It does seem a little like you’re abandoning her when she needs you, though. If you were really tight – soulmates-like – then, yes, I’d say YTA. But the less close your friendship was the more you become NTA. I think only you can answer that.
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The girl was spinning out after a long-term relationship imploded. Yes, *of course* the friend was behaving horribly. And if she and OP weren’t especially close, good enough reason to move on. But if they were close, this is a point where you recognize your friend is in crisis and behaving self-destructively and needs help. As u/Alternative-Many3523 said, only OP knows whether they’re close enough for that.
Hi! this is a very valid point thank you for making it 🙂
I’d say we were close, but this situation has made me question how genuine the friendship was. Our main interactions would be nights out, or meeting up after a few months with our friends and giving all of our life updates ( which included all of us talking about ourselves at length) and then we’d talk in work, but all of that dissapeared when she moved. She made no effort to come and see any of us.
It’s important to note that she now has another new BF who shes hard launched on insta that nobody knew anything about. Her and boy1 officially ended around the 8th of this month. I personally think thats a very quick turn around, to end one relationship that she claimed to be so ride or die in, and then be in another relationship and posting them publicly. I can see this cycle happening all over again, so the reason I’m considering cutting and running is because of that. I think acting this male-centred at 27 is just a bit much.
If she was with her ex for most of her life – she must be going thru a really hard time trying to cover it with new relations which makes things worse for her. Now – you are her friend or a judge of her choices and life? If she was a great person before this hard time – why dont you support her to become this same great person again? She is making poor choices out of suffering she is going thru. We have friends to help us not to abandon us when things arent nice and funny any more.
This long-term bf break up happened over 2 years ago now, sorry I didn’t make that clear in my initial post! She was unhappy with him for several years and continually complained about him. We all had a party when they broke up. She was very happy to be out of that relationship.
We have all tried to help her multiple times. Every time she came to us talking about boy1, we supported her. However, I think not acknowledging that she is acting poorly isn’t the right thing to do. I don’t expect that her behaviour would ever change if everyone were constantly telling her that she was a victim and wasn’t in the wrong.
She has been acting like this for the past 2 years. She has thrown all of us aside for male validation over and over again, and I personally am exhausted by it.
Sounds like your friend put her finances on the line to be your guarantor. Her behaviour is alarming admittedly, but it sounds like she’s seeking approval and connection. She’s jumping from person to person, launching him in the GC desperately hoping that you guys will go “oh wow he sounds amazing!!” when in reality she probably doesn’t like him that much either.
If you think this friendship is worth saving, I’d try to meet her in person. Be honest with her, say you’re worried about her behaviour and that these relationships don’t sound healthy and you want to support her. Give her the connection she’s seeking through friendship and companionship instead of these guys who sound toxic AF (boy1).
If on reflection you think she’s not worth trying to salvage a relationship with, maybe still be honest and tell her the relationship drama is not something you want a part of and you need some space. Then stay away from
This is very good advice, thank you 🙂
NTA.
Your friend sounds like an absolute train-wreck when it comes to dating. Her first mistake was almost immediately moving on after the break up with her long time boyfriend (I have to fault you and the others a bit for hyping her up to do so).
Seems like all you and the other people in the gc are only there to be her emotional support people/personal therapist to share her boyfriend drama with and then when everything seems to be good, she ghosts y’all. To keep it 100, she sounds exhausting and I don’t blame you for wanting to end this friendship
As long she was good to you, I would suggest to keep the friendship
NTA… time comes you move on… sounds like you **were** friends, now you move on with your life and dump the drama.