Hi all, me (31 female) have worked for my dad (65 male) in our family business for 14 years.
My dad wants to retire in a year and for me to take over.
The conditions are that I would become director but my wage wouldn’t increase, he would retire and I would be responsible for 2 employees.
I wouldn’t be able to take holidays till the company could hire and train more employees. I wouldn’t be able to have children until the company was in a position to able to run without me (or my dad).
The trouble is, I’ve never really liked my job.
Deep down in my heart I don’t enjoy it at all and live for the weekend. The perks of the job would be if I worked hard enough I would be financially better off for life. If I walked away I have no idea what I would do or what job I would get as I have no qualifications. I love the outdoors and nature and animals and I feel like I don’t get enough of that working corporate 9-5 as I never feel fulfilled. I also feel like my dad really wants me to take over the business and has wanted me to do so for 14 years so I feel a big sense of shame for letting him down if I don’t do it. I’m so conflicted I feel totally lost in my own brain.
I don’t know what to do, I have a meeting with my dad tomorrow after work to discuss the future and right now I feel totally lost. AITA for not taking it over?
Any advice I would be so so grateful ❤️ thank you x
NTA
It’s your life, not his. He’s HAD his life. You’re in your 30s already, a whole adult person.
Also, being made director with no pay increase is 100% bullshit. Your dad’s being selfish, controlling, and frankly greedy.
Just make sure you have a plan for how to make a living outside your dad’s company, because based on your description, an outright refusal is likely to seriously anger him.
NTA
Tell him those conditions aren’t acceptable and if he wants you to be his successor he will have to back off of manipulating what happens at the company he no longer has control over.
Be the boss and be there less. This life is way to short to have a job suck the joy out of you.
INFO: Why wouldn’t your wages increase? You’re taking over the role of owner of the company, that should mean a pay bump. Is the company not doing well?
When your dad retires, he should have no say in how the company is run or handled anymore. He’s done. If you take over, it’s now yours and yours to do with as you please. Take a vacation, have a kid, sell the company and retire on that money. Who cares?!
What is it that you do? I’m sure there is a lateral transition in jobs.
Thanks so much for advice, everyone’s advice is much appreciated. So I would become a director, my dad would retire but still be a director. I would get the same salary but I would become self employed instead of employed but the conditions would be that I wouldn’t get paid any more than I do now (35k). The business is doing okay and sustains good profit with 3 employees and has been running for 25 years. He would retire but still be a director, just not come in to work. I work In advertising 🙂
Sounds like a terrible deal for you. NTA.
You have 14 years experience. You can absolutely make more than 35k somewhere else.
35k? Who can live on that? And I suppose he’s going to get his same rate of pay.
Uh, no. If he’s retired, he’s DONE. He’s not part of the company. He’s either working or he’s retired. There’s no “I’m still your boss, but not really, and I don’t do any of the work anymore, but I still take a profit and tell you what to do.” This is TOXIC AS FUCK.
Advertising is a huge industry. You could easily find a new job at a different company and do better than $35K/yr. Tell your dad tomorrow you want to think on this a little more and can you rain check this discussion to next week. Speak with an attorney and have a contract drawn up that hands the company over to you in its entirety. You could keep him on as “of counsel” as a reduced rate that is per project he assists with, but that’s it.
Get the books to a CPA or something and find out what he’s been making the last 25 years, you should know the full ins and outs of a business before taking it over. Otherwise, he’s banking on you as a sucker to run this for him so he doesn’t have to work and can retire with an income.
Fuck no. NTA.
Your dad must have lost his mind. No increased pay? No holidays? Telling you that you can’t have kids until the company can manage? Fuck literally all of that noise. That’s your old man trying to fuck you all the way over.
I don’t understand. Why would your compensation not increase at all? What’s your Dad’s current compensation and what happens to that when he retires? Also, if you’re the director, don’t *you* set compensation? I can understand that in some industries you can’t take off holidays and I understand *feeling like* you can’t start a family, but honestly at some point you have to set your own priorities. Also, you have 14 years of work experience and theoretically are positioned to be director of a company, I don’t buy that you have 0 marketable skills.
If your wage doesn’t increase…. Surely he’s making a salary now… would he continue to get that same salary while you’re running the show? So he’s making the same with doing no work? Otherwise, of course your salary would increase to what his is now.
If that’s the case, NTA.
Don’t do it without a pay increase. You aren’t responsible for subsidizing your father’s retirement. NTA
If you’re taking over the business, why would anybody else get to dictate your rate of pay, vacation, or family planning?
Sounds like a raw deal. NTA.
He wants you to RUN his company and still pay you 35k a year???? What an awful, boomer mentality I’m so sorry.
NTA. Don’t do it, sounds like your dad wants to have his cake and eat it too