I (23F) am a college student. I recently moved back in with my parents to save money. They built an addition to eventually house my grandparents, it was offered to me, I accepted. The building process has been months behind schedule. Anytime I would mention the delays my dad would say I’m “ungrateful”. We generally get along ok, but have similar personalities leading to clashes.
The new space was finally finished and I could begin moving in. I spent most of the day arranging things. There was some dirt/dust tracked in by the contractors, but I decided to wait to clean everything until I had gotten things moved in. While unpacking, I found some magnets and stuck them to the fridge without thinking.
Before I could clean my parents walked in to see the finished product post-carpenters. Everything was great until my dad saw the magnets on the fridge and commented on how dirty it was. I stated that I was planning on cleaning everything when I got everything inside. He then started yelling about how the magnets could’ve scratched the fridge because of the dirt (they didn’t). He then threw the magnets towards me (they hit the ground in front of me) and told be that I was arrogant and acted like I knew more than him and how irresponsible and ungrateful I was acting.
After he stormed out and came back into the apartment a couple times to drop comments about me personally (school, job, social life) even my bf saying “if he was a problem” he would “take care of it” (my bf and I are in a normal healthy college relationship so I have no idea what “problem” he is referring to).
I went to the bedroom and broke down, about 5 minutes after the blow up, my dad came into the room to apologize, told him that I was not really ready to talk about it. He said “ok” and stormed out. I don’t really know what to think. I probably shouldn’t have put the magnets on the fridge and accepted my dad’s apology and moved on, but his reaction just seemed… wild.
ATIA?
NTA. Your dad has an anger problem or some unresolved issues. His behavior was uncalled for.
NTA start looking for an apartment
WTH is the matter with him? Has he always been like this? If so, I’m sorry you had to deal with that. If not, he should get checked out by a doctor. A person I know started having unreasonable fits of anger out of proportion to the situation. Turned out he had a benign tumor in his brain.
NTA – and what a weird thing for him to get his shorts in a twist over. At twice your age, I have a fridge with both magnets and scratches (from the delivery – got a discount without even asking), and as long as it keeps the frozen stuff frozen and the cold stuff cold (but not frozen), it’s all good.
My late MIL’s fridge was so covered in magnets that you could barely see if it had scratches. LOL
NTA. You need to move out pronto.
NTA. Is putting magnets on a fridge before you clean it kind of dumb? Sure. But that doesn’t make it okay that your dad blew up at you. If there’s somewhere else you can move, you might need to work towards that, because your dad clearly needs help for his anger problem, but I don’t know if he’s open to getting it.
Your dad is treating you like a child. If you don’t want this you need to change the relationship or move out.
Dust and dirt will not cause scratches. He has a standard for how he wants the place kept and will treat you poorly whenever you aren’t meeting it. It’s the price you pay for living there.
So has he always been this extreme in his anger? If this is new behavior it could be medical.
If it’s new, speak with your mom about a checkup.
If this is old behavior then he has an anger problem and needs therapy. Throwing magnets is childish behavior.
You need to find an apartment ASAP.
NTA.
Personally, I wouldn’t have stuck magnets to a surface I’m planning to clean later on, because I’d just have to take them off again before I clean. I dislike housework so much that I’m not going to do things that increase the amount of effort I have to put in.
But it’s hardly the crime of the century, is it. Especially because the person most affected by it is you. Unless there are dozens of magnets, taking them off again would only take a few seconds, and I doubt his fridge would be harmed. Your father’s reaction was out of all proportion.
*I recently moved back in with my parents to save money.*
Yes, you’re saving money. But you’re paying in other ways.
You’re now living in an environment where your father thinks he has the right to comment on your life choices and criticize everything you do. Even though you’re 23 and should be engaging with your parents adult to adult, your father has decided that living under his roof means the dynamic is parent to child. Literal child. Minor child.
THAT’S the price you’re paying, instead of money.
Only you can decide whether the price is worth it.
The magnets had nothing to do with this. This guy’s been harboring some shit and took this minor annoyance as a reason to open the floodgates. My dad was the same way. Dudes just an asshole. No emotional maturity and a complete lack of communication skills so nothing was ever talked out. It was always 0 or 100, barely anything in between
NTA but move out asap, your father is treating you like crap and you dont deserve it.
I grew up with a dad who would take things that had nothing to do out on me and everyone in my family. He’d barge into rooms screaming/yelling, and throwing things. This isn’t normal and it probably won’t get better unfortunately unless he notices the problem in himself and goes to get help. Just try to avoid him and plan to find a way to get out.