I (17M) was brought up in a pretty well-off family. My father is a pilot and my mom is a housewife. I don’t have any siblings, or other relatives I could rely on.
Now, my parents marriage was a bit of a mess for a long time. There’s no abuse from what I know, it’s just that my dad and mom aren’t really compatible (which they found out even before I was born, but still decided to pursue the relationship and have a child). My dad is an alcoholic who doesn’t really want to do anything and my mom is a pretty strict and judgemental woman who is very active and wants to do all sorts of things with her family, as in me and dad. This caused (and still causes) a lot of arguments about how they want to spend their free time. My father wants to drink all the time and my mother wants to do anything but that.
One night, my mother came into my room and warned me that she and dad may divorce soon. I was pretty shocked, even though I knew about their differences in character. The people that promised me a good and easy life are taking their words back now apparently, at least that’s how I interpreted that.
These days my mother keeps saying stuff like "We’ll pull through this together, you must get free scolarship though". I don’t know how hard it is for people in other countries, but here in Russia getting a free scolarship to a university is pretty hard but not impossible. Actually, getting it was, and still is, one of my plans. I just don’t like how she is so insistant on that like her whole life depends on it. I never liked expectations being placed on me, and now I feel like these expectations skyrocketed.
The thing is that I don’t care about these people at all. My dad was an asshole to me for the most part of my life and didn’t do anything except throw money at me. My mom is just… I just don’t like her. It’s like I have this irrational and completely unexplainable disdain for her that I kinda feel bad about having.
What I DO care about is the fact that if they divorce I will be left without a financial cushion for the time I will be studying at uni. This means I (a lazy bum who can’t even get out of bed to do something) will have to take matters into my own hands waaaay earlier than I expected.
Icl, looking back on what I wrote here I do look like a total brat lmao.
YTA
I get your disdain for your dad. But oh no poor baby your mom wants to spend time with you.
Oh no my parents are divorcing…who is going to fund my university…Ill have to WORK???
Glad you acknowledge how much of a brat you are by the end of it.
I’d say plan for your future now but….
Info: why exactly would your father just stop paying for stuff? How is that your mother’s fault?
that’s actually something I’m confused about as well. mom told me that dad would probably not pay for anything after divorce, but I genuinely have no idea why he wouldn’t. just assuming the worst here
and I wouldn’t say it’s anyone’s fault here. some ppl just don’t click and have to put up with each other. my mom’s just done with that atp, same for dad
It may be that she is anticipating that without another adult to carefully police his behavior his alcoholism will start to interfere with his ability to stay a pilot. There’s often very specific rules about how close to your shift you can drink.
She may also know that he’s unreliable and even if he’d have no objection to paying without your mom having access to the money it might never get to a university.
Whew! YTA. You don’t even like them. Total distain. You’re only worried about the easy life you think they can give you.
Yikes my dude.
It’s ok that you’re worried about your future. It’s ok if you feel blocked off emotionally from your parents – maybe you’ve had to be. Take some time, maybe a therapist will help. Meantime, start looking at the things you need to do to take care of yourself, including looking at scholarships.
YTA, the real world is about to hit you. You sound like an entitled kid who thinks they should always get their way. Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. Time to learn what work is.
INFO:
Does your mom need you to get a scholarship because she plans to live with you? Between her saying she won’t get any alimony from your father and the fact she’s a housewife with limited job experience makes me wonder if her desperate need is because she wants to live off of you in an off campus apartment. That or she plans to raid your account for any funds you are supposed to use for school.
It doesn’t really seem like you have a relationship with your mother that actually supports WANTING to sacrifice for her. It sounds like she’s controlling and judgemental, but that’s vague based on what’s written.
Honestly it sounds like your the product of two very self centered people who taught you to be just like them.
Your dad has focused on his wants, your mom has focused on hers, and in the meantime they brought you into this tug of war. Being brought up in this kind of situation you likley learned from an early age that the only one who would actually look out for you and your wellbeing was you.
If you had been told you had a full ride coming it is perfectly normal to be more upset at losing that then any disruption your parents might face.
Having these self realizations and your nefound sense of having to not only protect yourself emotionally from your parents but now also not being able to depend on them financially is really hard. I say NTAH.
In the meantime do yourself a favor. Try to get some therapy/counseling. You will want to break this pattern in your future relationships and you deserve a chance to be truly happy!
Yeah. You know the answer to this.
ESH. OP, I’m glad you’re able to see how bratty this sounds. It IS certainly A-holery to not care about your parents beyond whether they are going to be able to support you through university. That’s cold and calculating and greedy. If you don’t care about them, that’s fine, but cut your ties and make your own life. Sticking around for some hope of support is using them.
But they have earned it. The reason you have turned out to be the person you are in either nature or nuture, and they are responsible for both of those things. They don’t have much right to tell you how to live, and if you only value them for their potential financial support, that’s how they raised you.
Talk directly to your father. Ask him if he will continue to support your university expenses. If he’s willing to consider that, suggest that he pay directly to the university, the landlord, etc. and not to your mother because you don’t trust that she would use the money to pay for your educational expenses.
YTA, kinda sounds like your alcoholic dad is likely an awful person and your mom has been keeping him in check and protecting you for a long time. You probably don’t like her personality because she’s had to be forceful with your dad to be an active member of the family your whole life and it’s felt unnatural for everyone you’ve all been on edge for 17 years. I’m willing to bet that now you’re close to being an adult she’s done putting up with him for your sake and needs to take care of her own mental health. Once they split you’re going to to see the person he really is without her coaching him to participate in fatherhood. Hardcore alcoholics rarely concern themselves with the needs of others without someone reining them in. I hope you’re ready for a harsh wake up. My condolences, this lesson is probably going to hurt.
I just can’t get past the father being a pilot who is an alcoholic.