Last month my sister abroad visited. Now she is in conflict with my second eldest brother. The latter refuses to talk.
Nine years ago my brother videoed my sister stealing $200-$300 from mom and she got caught. She apologized and gave the money back. Since then my brother stopped talking to her completely and treats her like a ghost whenever she is around. He does not listen when she asks “please pass the food”. In the roles reversed my brother will stand up and get the food. When they both go to the same area, he does not consider her wanting to ride with him and leaves separately. She gave him a nice pen one time for his birthday but I saw it in his trashcan when I went to his room to give him something. She is nonexistent to him. She told me she keeps messaging him why and what can she do but he refuses to read. This has been going on until now.
Now last month I was in charge of organizing a game for the family Xmas party. Indecied to do heads up. I also decided to randomize the groupings. I used an app to do it. Relatives were prt of this xmas party. The rule is Inwill draw two names and those names should compete with each other. I did notice that my brother and sister where in opposite teams but I think they will be mature if the chance happens. This is in front of relatives.
Both of their names were drawn. My brother walked out and it created awkard tensions. Indecided to draw another name. It became awkard. The next day I heard my mom and dad arguing really really loud with my brother. After that my brother got mad at me. He thinks I was making a ruse to get them talking or I should have considered their hostility. Well I told him to let it go. I dont know who is right but I do know that is not how he should act and He should tell me to adjust. Not him. He told me he is expected to leave the house a week after new year becaue of my “shenangians”.
I did not think it would happen. Yeah it was a possibility but the chance both their names will be drawn was really really low. I dont know about nine years ago but it was between my sister and my mom.
Edit: I had two teams and will draw two names from each team. It just so happened to be my sister and the brother who has issues with her. I did not do it make them talk.
You were absolutely stirring shit. Your brother may (or may not) be out of line for his long-standing grudge, but you could easily have redrawn the names when you put the two up against each other. Your random drawing is not more important than family harmony. Sorry, but YTA here.
YTA. You knew about their on going issue. You even admit that you realized that it might be a problem yet continued anyway. You could have easily switched things around, but again chose to continue with the pairing. I don’t know your family, but it seems like this issue is deeper than “he caught her stealing from mom once”. Christmas in front of extended family was not the time to stir this particular pot.
I wonder whether that was the only time sister had stolen stuff, or whether mom was the only victim. Why did he have video evidence? Might it be because he knew she’d be stealing money?
OP is both-siding hard. Brother was petty to react as he did, sister has no idea why her brother hates her, why can’t they just get along?
They can’t get along because sister behaved abominably.
That’s what I mean… this has to go beyond “she stole money from mom once”. That’s a significant amount to steal from a parent, but it also doesn’t really explain the brother’s attitude. I understand not being close to a sibling because their character is questionable, however to take it to *that* extent sounds like there’s more going on.
If I’m reading this right, your brother walked out as soon as names were drawn? No chance to switch the names beforehand? They obviously couldn’t be on the same team but being on different teams is also a problem. How do family games even work in a situation like this?
I personally think NTA. You were set up to fail. Also, your brother sounds exhausting and petty.
” You were set up to fail.”
Eh I think OP set themselves up to fail by organizing a game that required the potential for direct interaction between brother and sister.
Or made it so OP had direct control of who completed again r who, so this situation didn’t happen.
But how do you even play a game where one person won’t acknowledge the other’s existence? They were put in charge of the game and there are few games that don’t have you interacting with most other players
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Laughing in Caucasian.
OP’s other posts indicate that they are from the Philippines.
INFO: I think we really need to know more about our the stealing to judge.
If sister was 15 and just got caught in the background while brother was filming and there’s no evidence it was a pattern then I’d say NTA.
But if sister was 25 and there had been things going missing, particularly brother’s things, so brother set up a camera and caught it, then his anger seems justified and you are just ignoring the problem.
NTA. But it sounds like the whole family has been enabling this controlling behavior in your brother and have created this monster. Things like referring to the grudge he’s still holding for your sister as a “feud”. There needs to be two sides for a feud, your brother is the only one continuing the animosity. The apathy people/families believe is just ‘not picking sides’ actually *is* picking a side bc it’s implying your sister is equally not speaking to him. How is that fair to her? This is a problem with an entitled jerk who has been allowed to ice out family members for relatively minor infractions. And now you’re next. And just like how everyone else just kept quiet about it with your sister, don’t expect anyone to be the voice of reason here either. He needs to grow tf up and get over himself.
Also, why was he filming your sister in the first place?
YTA, but not like… a big asshole, more like a careless asshole?
It should be pretty obvious to most everyone that whatever is going on is NOT about $300 that was stolen from a third party, 9 years ago.
Unless your brother is INCREDIBLY PETTY?
You might consider ASKING HIM why he’s like this? There’s a good chance there’s a LOT more !@#$ than you know about.
You knew about this. You saw them drawn together. You could have just swapped things. You didn’t.