I 19m live with a good friend 19m I’ll call Kyle in a flat in a student accommodation building shared with others.
Recently he’s got his first boyfriend and they don’t understand boundaries and I’ll give examples being the ones I mentioned to him When I called him out on this.
I knock on Kyle’s door to ask him something and say it’s me, he comes to the door and opens it and while Kyle’s fully dressed. in the background on his bed his boyfriend is sitting in his boxers, while not right in front of me it gives an immature and uncomfortable “omg look we have SEX!” Energy very strange why he wasn’t moved out of eye shot and it’s just then uncomfortable for me speaking to Kyle like that
Or we have a shared living room in the flat and recently Kyle and his boyfriend will use it to watch movies. And Tbf no one really goes in there during the day it’s just used for pre drinks before heading out. But you can see in because it’s next to the kitchen and they always sit with Kyle cuddled up to his boyfriend in a way for a shared spot isn’t usual. I don’t mean just like head on shoulder or lap, he’s laying across him. Tbf maybe that’s just a me thing, girl we live with says it’s really cute but I think she’s the minority but who knows.
Or if we go out if they both have drink they start making out on off constantly and getting extremely touchy with each other, I get in that environment that’s normal enough. But with everything else it adds on. Or they’ve made uncomfortable jokes. Like I was talking about the fact our beds in the flat are up against these shelves with a gap between tho and for the price you’d think we would have a proper headboard and his boyfriend joked “nah thank god yous don’t have headboards” and looked at Kyle and they start giggling. Like why would I want to hear that?
And Kyle’s bi and before his boyfriend would NEVER mention it. But the other day me Kyle and another friend where just hanging out and started having a jokey “hear me out” conversation and he would mention guys which felt forced because it’s 2 other straight men in the conversation, it just brings a weird energy then there’s nothing to hear out we don’t do that. And he would NEVER done that before. And there’s nothing wrong with him mentioning it on its own but that felt forced and there’s been other times like that and it’s annoying.
So earlier I’m talking to him and think it’s a good time to bring this up. I say just as a friend I’m telling him this so he knows it’s wrong and explain with the examples already mentioned. He instead of taking any bit of it seriously starts laughing and tells me to grow up, then seems annoyed and almost upset and stops talking to me after a bit of arguing. So can’t tell if he just got defensive and then upset and embarrassed that he realised what he was doing or if he’s upset with me
YTA. I don’t see this as not knowing boundaries and honestly you sound kinda homophobic.
Agreed, this is stuff that couples do during that age.
My first thought
YTA. This all sounds like mild to moderate PDA for a new couple, which can be annoying/uncomfortable to be around. But most of it sounds like it’s in public, and doesn’t bother anyone else, so it feels like more of a you problem than a them problem.
YTA really none of this is a huge issue, Kyle was fully clothed when talking to you, his boyfriend being in the background isn’t a big deal.
Them laying on the couch together when no one uses it? Also not a problem.
Is it them acting like a couple that’s issue? because I’m confused what could be wrong here, really all of it is normal couple things
I don’t see what you’re friend is doing that is something worth mentioning? Sounds like the problems is made up in your head because they’re boyfriends and not a straight couple?
>it gives an immature and uncomfortable “omg look we have SEX!”
The immature and uncomfortable one here is you. They’re doing normal young adult things. You’re uncomfortable because you’re immature, bordering on homophobic. Check your bias, don’t make it his issue.
YTA
Nothing you’ve said is then doing anything really wrong. Just you don’t like it so clearly they’re the problem. It’s not like they were naked when you knocked on his bedroom door.
They weren’t having sex on the couch they were cuddling like most couples would, in fact you even have your other roommate saying it’s fine which again is a you problem.
As far as them making out in a bar or club ya it’s kinda cringe but again they aren’t hurting anyone or doing anything overly sexual.
Would you have a problem with this relationship if it was a girl and not another guy?
YTA. They are two people in a relationship doing what people in a relationship do. Some of the stuff you are upset about does come across as a little homophobic and I question if you would have issues with what they are doing if it was a straight couple. Cuddling on the couch? Normal. Making out when tipsy? I would say that’s relatively normal. The hear me outs? They’re his hear me outs he can say whoever he wants. I would definitely apologize and take some time to reflect on what was really making you upset about it all.
So… if he was doing this with a woman, would you feel uncomfortable?
YTA
What you’re describing is called homophobia
YTA. This sounds like normal behaviour if they were feeling eachother up constantly around everyone yeah that would be odd but dude bro does not need to hide away because you decided you needed him to open the door, cuddling and shit is normal couple stuff in would you have an issue if they were straight?
Also him now mentioning his bi is pretty normal if him dating a dude has made him more comfortable, he’s still bi even if he’s in a room full of straight dudes it’s still relevant to who he is
(y’all obviously don’t gotta go “men😍” but like y’all could literally in a convo when he’s like “that pretty man over there” go “I think that girl over there is real pretty” and insert your own thoughts.)
YTA for homophobia as others have already said. Just wanted to add that the “Thank god you don’t have headboards” quip from roomie’s BF is absolutely hilarious.
You are sounding immature and homophobic. YTA