I (19F) have had a few issues with my roommate recently. She refuses to wash her dishes and leaves piles of them in the kitchen, sometimes even leaving for weeks without washing them beforehand, which then falls on me. She also recently trash-talked me to some of our mutual friends, saying things that we all agree aren’t very accurate and accusing me of doing nothing around the house (I do 80% of the chores, to the point where it drains me. Theres three of us, and I’ve never even seen her pick up a rag to clean). She also continuously complains and refuses help or other topics. This kinda upset me. She also has a boyfriend she has stay over often without warning. She shares a room with the other roommate (we decided I could have my own room if I pay extra for rent) and the other roommate dislikes having her boyfriend around, so they usually hang out in the living room I set up. Now, I know she can’t deal with the cold, and I study a major that gave me the knowledge on how to do this, so I purposely sabotaged the heating in the living room so she can’t spend time there. This is also because she would drive me out of there when I needed to use devices in there that don’t fit into my room. Effectively, it makes her not invite her boyfriend over and makes her leave the house when she needs to study (she does not have a desk). I also get to spend time in the room, as I don’t mind the cold. I feel like this is very petty of me, and feel kinda bad for it. I did communicate some of the issues to her, without change in her behavior, but I didn’t confront her about the trash talking to avoid bad blood in the apartment. AITA? And should I stop?
Esh. This is not going to go anywhere good if you both continue behaving like this.
NTA. It’s time for a new roommate.
YTA. It’s time to put the big person pants on and have a house meeting and discuss everything you all have issues with. Then, together, work out a solution. This is called adulting.
ESH
Both of you suck for keeping each other from using a common space that you both pay for.
You’re probably also driving up the energy costs to your whole household.
This is incredibly childish. As an adult who thankfully is long past having roommates, you gotta just move. Disputes like this never end well. Don’t let this shit bubble up. Grow up and move on. NTA.
You and your other roommate should come to an agreement about how to deal with her as far as dishes and chores. You can both sit down with her and show her the chart you made up.
If she ignores it, consider placing all the dishes that you and the good roommate will use in your room, and only wash your own. If you own pans she doesn’t wash, remove them into your room. You can put a lock on your door and give the second key to the good roommate.
Essentially, though, an honest and calm explanation about chores should be your first go to. As soon as she goes out, turn up the heat so that you are not punishing your other good roommate.
If there is a way to replace her as a roommate, tell her that unless she pulls her weight, you will replace her.
Living room is a common area.
ESH
esh. unfortunately while this is funny you can’t genuinely expect your living situation to get better as you’re not actually addressing it, just acting out.
ESH
I think instead of you two beating around the bush and sabotaging eachother, you guys need to sit down and talk about the issues happening.
ESH. You need a different living arrangement.
Who acts like this? Sounds like everyone involved needs to grow up.
ESH
The petty in me respects the ingenuity BUT it’s still a d!ck move.
She’s horrible to you and your other roommate. You both need to have direct conversation with her about her behaviour around home. If that doesn’t change things kick her out or you and the other roommate find somewhere to move together.
YTA people will do anything but deal with conflict like an adult