My name is Lisa and I have a friend, Maya we are both 23years of age and we’ve been close friends for a few years now. We usually get along, but we have very different personalities. I’m more of a planner and like things to be clear ahead of time, while she’s more spontaneous and goes with the flow.
A few weeks ago, we were working together on a group project for school that counted for a big portion of our grade. Because it was important, I suggested we divide the work evenly and set deadlines so nothing got rushed at the end. Everyone, including Maya, agreed to this plan. I finished my part early and shared it in the group chat in case anyone wanted to give feedback. A couple of days before the deadline, it became clear that Maya hadn’t started her portion yet. She said she’d been busy and asked if I could help out a bit by doing some of her section since I was already done with mine. I told her I could answer questions or look over her work once she started, but I didn’t feel comfortable doing her part for her, especially since we’d already agreed on how to split things up. She got upset and said I was being unsupportive and choosing rules over friendship. She ended up rushing her section last minute. We got a decent grade overall, but afterward she told me I embarrassed her by not stepping in and that a real friend would have just helped without making it a big deal. I said I didn’t think it was fair to expect me to take on extra work after we’d agreed otherwise. Now things are awkward between us, and a few mutual friends think I should just apologize to keep the peace. I don’t think I did anything wrong, but I also didn’t mean to hurt her.
AITA for refusing to apologize?
INFO: Did Maya ever say why she couldn’t complete her portion on time? What was she busy with?
NTA
Next time just say you have work for other things to do, which is why you got an early start on your portion of the project and which is also why you can’t help her. She was trying to use you. A true friend doesn’t do that.
“Maya, a real friend would do her fair share without complaining and not try to take advantage of me. If someone died or something, it’d be reasonable to ask me to do it as a favor in an emergency, but as it is, you just procrastinated and thought you could stick me with the bag. If SOMEBODY had to do the assignment at the last minute, it needed to be the person WHOSE JOB IT WAS. I’m not going to apologize for having healthy boundaries and telling you no. You should apologize for being irresponsible and causing drama.”
NTA.
NTA. Don’t ever apologize. Being friends doesn’t make you an automatic savior to step in for them. This is so strange for me because, me and my friends would be too embarrassed to one another if we aren’t able to pull our weight in a group project/activity.
Exactly. I think Maya wouldn’t pull that if it was a group of peers without a friend to fall back on. It would be too embarrassing. Maya was taking advantage of the situation and OP does not need to apologize to appease others.
NTA. A real friend would have completed her part and realised it would be unfair to ask someone else to do her work for her.
Maya had no intention of doing her part. A real friend wouldn’t let her friend potentially get a bad grade for not doing her fair share.
NTA
NTA, this is a hard lesson to learn but some people only love you for what you can do for them. Not you for yourself. I’m sorry. She is a crap friend. A real friend would have done their work (or levelled with you early on about being overwhelmed.) This is not your fault. Sorry you didn’t get the grade you deserved. (I have been in your spot and I have spoken with the prof BEFORE they grade the work. Let the prof know that you have tried to get the group to be cohesive but you can’t make people work. At least ext time if you talk tot he teacher before you hand it in and you explain what you have done vs everyone else you might still get the grades you have worked so hard for.)
Not the ass hole one baby bit.
INFO: have your friends told her to do anything to “keep the peace”?
NTA, please stand up for yourself. You did nothing wrong.