So my partner and I got together 4 years ago but only really came out to my parents a year ago. We’re both biologically female but identify as Trans or gender non-specific of some kind- but what matters to my parents is that we are two women sinning. My father is a pastor and extremely religious, to the point that he made threats when I was little to marry me off to an old man if I showed any signs of being gay. I moved out around the holidays last year and didn’t want to fight with them over something they didn’t understand so I sucked it up and went to both Thanksgiving and Christmas with no mention of my partner. I was miserable and missed all of my ‘first’ holidays with them living together because I was with people who hate them. I decided i wouldn’t do that again and at the beginning of this year sent out this big long message saying hey I love you all so much but im not going to an event my partner isnt welcome to. But like three paragraphs longer than that. Everyone was kind of like "okay then dont come" which i was fine with. My partner family loves me so much and Invites me to everything so I wouldnt be missing out on anything.
Jump to the recent holidays and people have lost their minds when I legitimately didn’t show up to Thanksgiving. My maternal grandmother, who openly hates my partner, texted me crying and saying it was all anyone talked about and I ruined it. Meanwhile I had an extended family member invite me to their private Thanksgiving and asked me to bring my partner and guess what- I WENT! Its that simple im not waging war or anything.
My paternal grandmother invited both my partner and I to her house after Thanksgiving when no one would be there which isnt perfect but it’s trying so we went to that and it was great. They got along and laughed and hugged and it was great. Cut to today and same paternal grandmother calls me and asks if im at least coming to her Christmas since it’s not on Christmas it’s on the 20th. I told her no because my parents would be there and my partner would not be welcomed. We got in an argument because she didn’t understand why I just couldn’t come by myself. It ended with her crying and hanging up on me- this has never happened to me from her. She practically raised me and I was really really close with her so making her cry hurt a lot. She’s very old and I understand that these next few holidays are my last with her and refusing to go out of principle even one I believe very strongly in is starting to weigh on me. So I just wanted some outside perception- AITA for not attending any family gatherings unless my partner is invited?
INFO – if your partner is accepted by your grandmother, are they still not invited? Or do they just not want to fix or you don’t want them to go, because your parents will also be there?
My grandmother made it clear that the invitation was for me only because my parents would never be civil at a Christmas my partner attended and my grandmother won’t take sides and go against her son (my father). So yes my partner was very explicitly not invited.
NTA for choosing to be with people who love and accept you for who you are and who you love.