My dad passed away a few years ago, and ever since then my brother has decided he is the man of the house. He dropped out of college. I do not think he was going to graduate anyway because he is not very smart. He works in construction and he does help with some bills, and he fixes our cars and small things around the house. I appreciate that, but he acts like doing those things every few months gives him the right to boss me around every single day and order me to do all the everyday chores.
When I came home from my lectures, I saw him fixing one of the cabinets. The first thing he said to me was, “The sink is full. Why did you not do the dishes. It has been like that for two days now.” I told him, “I always do my dishes. Those are literally yours and mom’s. I am not your maid.” He then started guilt tripping me and trying to emotionally manipulate me. He said, “I just came home from a thirteen hour day and the first thing I did was fix this broken piece of junk. Mom works six days a week. The least you could do is clean the house and do the dishes. I am not even asking you to cook or do laundry. You are a leech.”
I told him, “I just came home from three lectures and a lab. I have to study for my final exams next week. I do not have time right now to be your maid.” He replied, “Typical females of this generation. I will do the dishes and fix this. Go to the mechanic next time. Do not come to me again.” I ignored him and went to my room.
A few minutes later he sent me a bank transfer request for six hundred dollars with a note that said “Brake and Oil change. Parts and labour.”
For context, I am third of the household and I do one third of the chores. I clean the kitchen and bathroom two to three days a week. I do my share, but he acts like it is never enough. I am also a nursing major, so I spend a lot of time studying. Meanwhile, he dropped out of college and uses our dad’s passing as an excuse for everything. He was majoring in business, and nothing he claims to do around the house is something he does often. He does those things every few weeks, months, or even years. But he still expects me to clean every day like it is my full time job.
My mom rarely defends me and treats him like an angel. I am exhausted. As soon as I finish my degree and can afford it, I am moving out.
AITA?
NTA. Your brother is a misogynist.
NTA.
First off, I am incredibly sorry for yalls loss. I hope you’re doing okay! Your brother is a raging misogynist. “Typical females of this generation” speaks VOLUMES about how he views women. He dropped out of college on his own volition, he self-appointed himself as “head of household”, and he IS manipulating you into thinking you’re the problem. You clean up after yourself and that’s what matters. Their mess is their responsibility. Furthermore, as a college student as well, your finals are incredibly important and that should be your top priority. It sucks you have to deal with this ontop of everything, I’m sorry.
I didn’t even need to read past “Typical females” to know that you are NTA.
NTA…your brother needs to grow up and stop whining. An adult sees what needs to be done and does it. Not sit there and point at it like a little Lord Farquaad.
It is simple. Mechanic has to post prices in advance and have to have liability. Do not give him money and to the real mechanic the next time. Your brother does not sound like a type to trust with brakes.
Alternatively send him bank transfer request for cleaning services.
I wish I can go to an actual mechanic but I’m broke atm. He gives me a few hundred dollars every few weeks, and that’s about it.
Your brother gives you money? Just get a part time job and stop relying on him.
The program I’m in is very tough. Won’t be passing my courses if get a part time job.
NTA
I was about to say ESH, until OP clarified that her brother – on top of working full time and supporting his family with DIY and repairs around the house – also gives his adult sister weekly pocket money from his wages 🤯.
YTA. You’re an adult living for free in your family home. You don’t get to live like you would in a flatshare, when your mum and brother work their ass off to pay your way! If that means doing more than a third of chores for now then it is what it is, because you have more free time as a student.
Him giving out money really does make a difference here…
YTA